%
|
doug: I wish I had a profile with interesting stuff in it.
me: so make one.
doug: I don't have anything to put in it
me: just sit around until someone says something funny and then add it
doug: but I'm the only one who ever says anything funny
%
nih0ngo: I'm on fire
nih0ngo: and the pain is excrutiating
xkcd: really
nih0ngo: yes, please send help
%
nih0ngo: I think I'll overanalyze your statments and extract from it what
page you are on, and how much you are liking it so far, as well as your
hidden motives and what you had for breakfast this morning
xkcd: Of course I have already anticipated this, and I'm sure all my responses
in the near future can just as easily go unsaid.
nih0ngo: at least I know you didn't have cum for breakfast, since I havent
been near you all day
%
KalinFadedShadow: I'm not sure who's weirder... me or the chicken-sex people...
%
sarah synonymous: okay, is there a particular reason that nearly every tobey
maguire fansite on the internet is down?
sarah synonymous: ...asks a friend of mine
sarah synonymous: *cough*
%
WeeBowll: b/c I mean if you need help making that call home "mom, I'm in
the color guard." I am here for you
%
nih0ngo: or we could kick back and enjoy a smooth tall glass of bacon soda
%
davean: I don't HAVE an anus
fluffy: then its going to hurt that much more.
%
KalinFadedShadow: well, I've learned everything I need to know about
masturbation, I'm off to bed
%
nih0ngo: see, things like that is why you're no longer comander of the 3rd
legion of lightly toasted marshmallows
xkcd: things? what things? *spits* unless you're crusing for a bruising,
you'd best sail on back to candy-apple island and set your pants on fire.
nih0ngo: I dont have time for this, I've got a meeting with butt-scuffers
anonymous, and gerblikity-bloop is out of snarfle
%
sarah synonymous: i'm afraid you're going to have to wax the front half of
your head
%
me: Hey, look, it's 12:34. *holds up clock*
spencer: Uh huh
me: uh, I just needed to point that out
spencer: I wouldn't have noticed.
spencer: I notice when it's 22:22
spencer: wait, no
spencer: when it's, like . . . 6:66
spencer: no
spencer: I'll stop with the examples now.
%
donny: close, but I don't sound like a kitten.
%
Fresachi: im on it like cheese on a biscuit!
%
Fresachi: stupid dreamy pikachu
%
sarah synonymous: this is the part on sprockets where agjdskf i am dripping wet
%
sarah synonymous: i understand your paint
%
KalinFadedShadow: I think my foot got stuck in the dryer...
%
sarah synonymous: but you're hobbit intolerant :(
%
Julie Crum: Yes. He is a hard working kid.
Julie Crum: He is taking a lot of hard courses, too.
xkcd: Yes.
Julie Crum: Also, there are squirrels in the walls.
%
sarah synonymous: what are the badgers saying when they get to helms deep?
%
BlueiSweetP: i almost went to the hospital but i felt so bad i didn't want
to move
%
xkcd: it takes real effort to talk out of someone else's butt, you know
ivy in autumn: if you did that, i would have someone to keep me company
before i go to sleep
%
bananafish34: yeah i only talk to you if theres absolutely no one else to
talk to
bananafish34: and even then i secretly hate it
xkcd: every single minute I've spent around you has been a minute I regretted
and wanted back so I could do something fun with it instead.
%
sarah synonymous: we should make "HUGO WEAVING" labels and put them on things
%
OzBard: I'll think of you as the dark tower falls
%
DaseinNichts: Dean is a sexy man for his age
%
me: hah! now you can't run for public office!
sarah: *looks down* aw, maaaan, I knifed a baby.
%
dena: (from corner) I think you need to put butter all over me.
%
Bigg Duluth: i want a pussy willow
Eddy Rock U: i want a pussy period.
Eddy Rock U: i just hit many levels with one sentence.
%
Teatime: Also, if you haven't already, sounds like you will soon experience
the smell of burning human hair.
%
Hi Samm
%
sarah synonymous: *kills your cat*
sarah synonymous: *and umm, names self after elijah wood*
%
Scott: taking a shower
Scott: then going to lunch
Scott: join me for one of the two?
%
sarah synonymous: AND THEN I TURNED INTO NEO
xkcd: and then you played twister with death
sarah synonymous: i did
sarah synonymous: except that it was actually bill who played it, ted did
the spinner.
sarah synonymous: *blinks slowly*
sarah synonymous: i lose.
%
AtomicBadgerRace: fill me with lesbians.
%
Anakonda44Magnum: I can get away with being a nonconformist these days
because I have a muscular body, amazing hair, and stylish clothes.
%
sarah synonymous: like when you first see the two smiths, dude
sarah synonymous: that little hugo half-smile
sarah synonymous: *SwOoN!!~*
%
Donny: We should do our own "Insomniac" show. *pause* But then, it'd just
be us going to Harris Teeter and Wal-Mart.
%
KalinFadedShadow: you should also considering purchasing purple tape to pin
up posters of armadillo sex around your computer
%
Spencer: Well, it was the 80s, who didn't use cocaine? I mean, I didn't,
because I was four . . .
%
sarah synonymous: YAYYYY i got my billy tape
sarah synonymous: it's like 30 seconds in and i'm sitting here all "EEEEE
SQUEEE BILLEHHHHH"
sarah synonymous: and he's still clothed
%
starfish sarah: I WOULD BE THE CAMP LEGOLAS. if that, you know, changes
your opinion.
%
sunset shipwreck: i am made of graham crackers and envy
%
hana: if youre going to have a cock in your mouth, it better be hot and
throbbing
%
insanesamm: being directly connected to you is like a warm blanket on a
cold night
%
Kira I Am: i have waters!
%
nih0ngo: yeah, i dunno about you, but I was like omgwtf, and then I shot
some fat orphans
%
xkcd: I am going to brakefest
nih0ngo: have a fun time decelerating
[I hate him.]
%
sarah synonymous: red-handed jill has forgotten her pants
%
SupaJames: don't let me break this down for nothing, lend me some sugar. i
am your neighbor. we have this anthrax. allah is great.
%
nih0ngo: I hung out outside your door for 30 seconds because I thought I
was going to get to sleep with you
%
sarah synonymous: i believe the gag was your idea.
%
xkcd: so you've been lying in bed, staring upward and hugging a picture of
wesley clark to your chest as tears run silently down your cheeks?
starfish sarah: basically, yes
%
charlotte: kira is the queen of non-sequitors.
kira: charlotte is the queen of pedophiles!
%
nih0ngo: burn when you're on fire, you rationalist!
%
codewolf: save that shit, I'll be doing a paint gun one in the near future,
and we have been testing out a flaming toilet paper thing for future use
codewolf: I love getting shot with shit as long as I know I have a fire
putter-outer and friends that don't shoot me in the face
%
sarah synonymous: i was a legolas fangirl before it was cool to be one
sarah synonymous: back when there was ONE orlando fansite on the internet
sarah synonymous: i am old-school.
%
tparis23: Remember way, way back in elementary school when I used to pretend
to be a Velociraptor? No? Good.
%
sarah synonymous: and...other guy from death cjkas'jwef keanu in a bathtub
sorry. anyway, the other guy from death cab, chris walla
%
xkcd: hi, I'm a hundred agent smiths.
sarah synonymous: hi!!1
xkcd: who are you?
sarah synonymous: i'm, umm, haha, is "ready and willing" the wrong answer?
%
Dick McNichols: I CAN MAKE LIVEJOURNAL ICONS!
Dick McNichols: I CAN PEE!
%
DCDSS: And, when did you get a vagina?
%
Dick McNichols: dogs who have birthday parties are the new dead baby jokes
to me
%
sarah synonymous: does the central/any library by any chance have ethernet
hubs?
xkcd: ummm I don't think so?
sarah synonymous: *opens switchblade* wrong answer.
%
TheSoundOfNow: whatever, everyone is gay
TheSoundOfNow: except me
%
xkcd: but what will you tell your husband?
sarah synonymous: eh, he won't care. he's gay, anyway.
xkcd: . . . wait, I'm your husband.
sarah synonymous: i know.
%
sarah synonymous: why do all your stories start with "well i was dressing
as a girl pirate and..."?
%
sarah synonymous: hahahaha cancer
%
bananafish34: baha my sister got in a car accident
%
<nih0ngo> the blood of innocent children is universal currency
<xkcd> unfortunately, they have to be virgins.
<nih0ngo> yeah, so you definitely cant use those ones in your closet
%
TheSoundOfNow: find me a hot girl
%
Dick McNichols: unless she's a taxidermist, maybe something else would
be better
%
nih0ngo: or I could take a shower, or you could go without me, or you could
tie a bunch of squirrels to each other and wrap someone up in the resulting
squirrel net
%
starfish sarah: you are clearly taken advantage kjof my drunken staek!
%
narf454: randy, im sorry but i have a confession to make
narf454: you're gay
narf454: so lets can the girl talk
%
nih0ngo: don't make me come down there and He-Bitch Man-Slap you.
%
WeeBowll: well we moved... but I would say that without my supervision... they
probalby made it
xkcd: I like to think that.
WeeBowll: me too... I wish them the best
WeeBowll: you and I will be the only ones to know the inspirational story
of the two bathtub plugs who had a dream...
%
MacBeth1928: thanks for helping me and thanks for making Scott eat a bookmark.
%
sarah synonymous: WHY DO ALL MY FRIENDS TURN INTO FURRIES
%
xkcd: I probably should have told you this before
xkcd: but I have this condition
sarah synonymous: uh huh
xkcd: for me, gravity pulls up
xkcd: so . . . yeah. things are gonna be rough.
sarah synonymous: just say it. you have anti-tourette's syndrome.
%
nih0ngo: shut up, you're in my fantasy world
%
bananafish34: and you'll be like, au contraire bitch
%
Fresachi: i know that "or else" isn't so threating, but take a minute to
use your imagination, i could be a speeding truck, and you could be in the
center of the highway, i could be, oh hitler, and you could be a jew with
jew written on your face, i could be a math problem...of death'
%
sarah synonymous: as a great philosopher once said, my ass wears a hat for you
%
sarah synonymous: someone thought i was franka. or vice versa. yessss.
%
shud9: you're worth $34 at most
%
MacBeth1928: but we'll do it later, I'm free around 3.
xkcd: I'm not good until like 5 or maybe 6
MacBeth1928: you know, you're just going to have to go with it or die.
%
SupaJames: i never thought i'd say this, but you're gay.
%
nih0ngo: its like water polo without the pesticide and the extra solar system
%
nih0ngo: well, there are aproximately 1 billion spy sattelites pointed at
north korea
nih0ngo: Im surprised they even get sunlight
%
TheSoundOfNow: sometimes, its just fun to talk about how much other people suck
%
sarah synonymous: we are the fine print on those sweepstakes you enter
at restaurants
%
TheSoundOfNow: im so evil i scare myself, whoo! *gay hand wave*
%
nih0ngo: shouldn't have downloaded it then
xkcd: I didn't download it, I own it
nih0ngo: yeah well, don't lay all your grass in one show buisness
%
sarah synonymous: and i can't use "lie" and "lay" properly
sarah synonymous: but then, i'm also not a lion
%
OzBard: because that would be cool, to come home and find that your room
had been turned into an aquarium
%
xkcd: But I still don't have any street cred. Any idea where I can obtain some?
jasonlikestofu: hmm..
jasonlikestofu: maybe if you kill a white man?..
jasonlikestofu: but there's a fine line between street cred and jerk there
%
Kira I Am:*watches you bleed a bit* this brings back old memories.
%
mandi: why are cats' tongues scratchy? mine keeps trying to lick me, and
I'm like, "but your love hurts!"
%
sarah: I DO believe in butter!
%
MacBeth1928: you know, I always wondered why you smelled like a bakery.
%
OzBard: I won't say "Randy you're smart, please fix it."
OzBard: but I'll just stand here and whimper
%
James: I inhaled some bacon.
%
me: If I told you I had a copy of New York Minute (the Olsen twins' new movie)
at my house, would you come back with me?
sarah: haha, it's sad that I actually had to think about it.
*pause*
sarah: . . . do you? . . . GAHHH DAMMIT.
%
socket7: what a waste of some lesbian robots
%
<Sinuralan> well there was that article the other week about the bandwidth
of the genitals
%
ChieftessW: you're a nipple man
ChieftessW: much like some men are ass men
ChieftessW: i don't condone it but hey it's where i make my dough
%
skilaatara: you're not a gay british mathematician? now you've brought my
world crashing down around my ears.
%
jasonlikestofu: after a few weeks of training, i'll be the undisputed king
of gaiety
%
your summersault: ITS THE CIIIIIIIIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFEEEEEEEE
your summersault: AND IT MOOOOOOOOOOOVES US ALLLLLLLLLLLLL
%
OzBard: you're as gay as the secretary of energy
%
nih0ngo: if you really liked the terrorists...you'd put them in a jar
nih0ngo: and if you REALLY like them....you'd punch holes in the top
%
nih0ngo: well didn't you ever catch them and put them in a jar? thats what
you do to things you like
xkcd: is that why you have all those jars full of anal sex in your room?
nih0ngo: no, that was for Y2K
%
nih0ngo: wait.....you're not a fetus?
%
CJayWrong: We could have Internal Combustion Engines fueled by the pure
explosive force of bigotry! It'd be awesome. Bigotengines.
CJayWrong: "Damn, I'm out of gas. . . Excuse me sir, what do you think of
the Confederacy?" "The South will rise--*BOOM*" "Alright, cool, now I can
get to Wendy's."
%
Melissa: i like to play dance music and watch your john kerry lj icon
%
Sarah: haha, your gyroscope is showing!
%
Fresachi: you're the biggest nerd cake at the nerd ball
Fresachi: thats right, i said it!
%
Sarah: well, I ate <i>twelve</i> big red candles, so don't even try to play.
%
Kira I Am: does it say that kkira is the numbe rone drunk girl taker
advantage ofer?
%
Me: Doug, were you trying to eat that sparrow?
Doug: <i>(Morosely)</i> No, I was just trying to give it a hug.
%
Donny: No, none of those <i>normal</i> amusement park massacres for me.
%
Me: Of course I've seen the 'Kenya' and 'Badger' videos. I saw them like
. . . three years ago, back when I was feeling left out 'cause <i>I</i>
hadn't seen them. By now they've long been in the Museum of Things that
Donny Hasn't Seen Because He's So Behind The Curve.
Donny: Oh, I haven't been to that museum yet.
%
bananafish34: like when you start playing you want to play people better
than you obviously
xkcd: yeah, I ate a big red candle
bananafish34: did you swallow it whole?
xkcd: no
bananafish34: was it still lit?
xkcd: I don't think so
bananafish34: well
bananafish34: that isnt too hardcore, is it now
%
Julie Crum: Good. I mean, not good for the people whose lives are lost or
destroyed, but you know.
%
<xkcd> So the justice dep't censored a supreme court quote about the danger
of giving the government too much censorship power.
<xkcd> Lord, that doesn't look good for them.
<Socket7> The problem with ascroft is that he's still breathing.
<Socket7> hey! there are black vans outside!
* Socket7 has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
%
Fresachi: ANAL GAY STUPID
%
shud9: your lies bounce off me like ping pong balls
%
donny: now you can't reverse the jinx
me: . . . ah, but I know your home phone number!
donny: so?
me: and . . . I have a two-way ticket to Japan.
donny: okay, but that's not enough.
me: I have a . . . good friend who's best friends with the pope's nephew.
donny: . . . no one's ever gotten that far, all right. but do you have the
last part?
me: I look good in yellow.
donny: damn. jinx reversed.
%
donny: and if these monkeys have wings that spin in a clockwise direction,
they'll create these faeries. and these faeries will poop out cheetahs. and
. . . I don't want to get into it, it's too complicated.
%
James: i installed a bidet in dave's bed.
xkcd: by which you mean . . .
James: i mean i foud a bidet, stole it, broke into his room, and placed it
on his bed.
%
James: huge throbbing cock?
xkcd: why does that always have to be the answer with you?
James: because it...always is?
%
sunset shipwreck: nothing feels different. now i just have a secret. every
time i look at someone, i think of how i know something they dont know.
sunset shipwreck: i love that feeling. maybe thats what everyone's smiles
are for. i've heard that people smile crazily on a day like this. it may be
because they just feel good, but its probably because they have a hidden story
%
Ivy in Autumn: i deconstructed a baby doll and resewed on the limbs w. velcro
"Baby Pull Apart - for that real baby feel, without the real baby consequences
%
xkcd: how are you?
Fresachi: i am quite good, and i hit a boy who said i was too old for pokemon
%
Fresachi: i just bought a vaccum! vroom vroom!
%
sarah synonymous: it's a still from garden state 2: actually, i like guys
%
<IT contractor> are you the residents in 144D? Neither of you have antivirus
software installed, you need to fix that.
<donny> Uh, we both . . . know how computers work. We have antivirus software
installed.
<IT> Yeah, whatever, you just need to call the IT help desk.
<donny> I WORK at the IT help desk.
<IT> whatever, call them anyway.
<donny> So you want me to call . . . myself?
%
sarah: there should have been some random drama, so we'd be all "man, i want
to see her...but wait, what about the locusts? maybe not."
%
xkcd: I think you're high AND drunk
Fresachi: I'll high AND drunk you right back to the ivory parade
Fresachi: oh wait that's right YOU SOLD YOURS
%
sarah: so i open the door to go to the bathroom, see george bush staring
back at me, and just kind of turned around and went back in the room
%
<socket7> Sinuralan, do you have a bike?
<Sinuralan> socket, yes, two.
<socket7> quick go outside and ride in circles screaming I like to eat barbeque
%
Randy: Kerry said if he was reading "My Pet Goat" to the kids and he was
told the country was under attack, he'd have told the kids the president had
something important to attend to. Of course, it's Kerry, so he'd probably
have to wake them up first.
Sarah M: It's Kerry, he'd probably have to wait for a while until his massive
erection went away.
Scott: . . . what?
Sarah M: Well, from the goat and all.
Randy: . . . Kerry?
Sarah M: Or Bush, it doesn't matter.
Scott and Randy: *stare*
Sarah M: The goat's a sexy animal.
%
Fresachi: they were fasinated by kissing
Fresachi: they kept being like go kiss adam on the mouth!
Fresachi: we wanna see!
Fresachi: and i was like ahoapgh! what is wrong with you babies?
%
James: more fun to play with: chopsticks, or sarin gas?
%

sarah: i'll simonize your battle tank
%
scott: do you mind if I actually stay here and watch The Daily Show with
you guys?
me: fine with me. does sarah mind?
scott: I'll go call her. bitch minds what I want her to mind.
%
xkcd: wait, which one of us is jealous of the other over keanu reeves again?
xkcd: who had him last?
sarah: i uhh, *counts on fingers* what day is it? monday? i think you.
sarah: one or both of us is not entirely straight here.
%
xkcd: a clinton/edwards TICKET. imagine.
xkcd: *just thinks about it*
sarah: *sighs happily*
sarah: wait, i wasn't thinking about a ticket, per se.
%
Scott: If she starts singing Disney songs during sex again, I'm going to
need therapy.
%
Randy: well this is probably too complicated a system for you to write an
entire universe for it on your own.
Scott: what do you mean?
Randy: well, all the settings you have to mess with and the number of
different systems you have to make . . . it just seemed too complicated.
Scott: Is this your way of goading me into rising to the challenge to make
sure I get it done?
Randy: yes.
Scott: I see right through you, bitch.
Randy: but is it working?
Scott: *pauses, hangs head, small voice* yes.
%
dyfrgi: I'm too cynical to empathise with the common man's empathy with Bush.
%
Melissa: i don't want the real tegan & sara to get in trouble if the cops
find out
%
James: its safe to say that many gays and lesbains do not live inside of,
say, you
xkcd: true
James: well
James: not all at once.
%
sarah: WHY CAN'T I STOP PLAYING POKEMON
sarah: i played for like 2.5 hours straight
sarah: *eyes cross*
%
Me: I think you want to hear the song again.
Scott: No.
Me: Yes you do.
Scott: Okay.
Me: Stop acquiescing to everything I say after a couple requests.
Scott: No.
Me: Please?
Scott: Okay.
%
sarah: i will trey parker you until you cry
%
sarah synonymous: I WANT A BUNNY AND I WANT TO PUT THINGS ON ITS HEAD
%
Me: I was here last weekend, I was just asleep a lot. Remember?
Donny: *points at cup* Cup.
Me: Cup?
Donny: Cup.
Me: I'm sick of you and your jockstrap.
Donny: I'm sick of you and your yachting cup.
%
Sarah: Did you shatter my roommate? You can shatter her dreams but not
her body!
%
nih0ngo: the lesbian parade is SOLD OUT
%
xkcd: yay internet, I can go back to looking at breasts
sarah synonymous: whatever, i have my own.
%
<red> on saturday night one of my friends had to sit in a room covered in
tin foil with a flashing strobe light as the only light source and seperate
a bucket of sprinkles by color
%
xkcd2: hey Jordan
KageRyu42: hey, what's up, slut?
xkcd2: not much
xkcd2: bitch
KageRyu42: alright, whore
xkcd2: why do you say these hurtful things?
KageRyu42: because I love you, and I don't know how to handle that
%
-- instant message begins --
not kalin: your ovaries are showing again
%
sarah: I WANNA CONVERT MINUTES TO GALLONS
%
sarah: this is simultaneously the gayest and greatest thing ever
%
kira: I CAN'T...STOP...THE WAVES OF SPERM!
%
Lena: maybe i'm going to get vagina cancer
Lena: i'll just try to reduce how many times a week i microwave my underwear
%
Randy: how do you solve a problem like Maria?
Doug: *without looking up* the quadratic equation.
%
Fresachi: but um point being
Fresachi: if me and clay were pokemons
Fresachi: we would school you!
%
Fresachi: hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
Fresachi: i have energy
Fresachi: POKEMON DEATH ENERGY!
%
James: it's the same in any group of friends -- there's the cute one, the
goth, the nerd, the jock, and the one with the drill press.
%
<Sinuralan> There is no I in TEAM, but there are 3 I's in Multiple Personality
Disorder.
%
icantfindtheway: aint nobody hotter and so on and yadda yadda [click]
I REALLY WANT TO HAVE LESBIAN SEX WITH YOU [click] god i talk a lotta
hum-de-lay-de-la la
%
postvixen: I dislike your greasy elbows and your threatening ear-backs! The
manner of your speech is inelegant and your expertise in matters of kirsches
and Dutch cheeses is often doubtful!
%
Fresachi: well, i have been told i leave rainbow trails when i walk
%
Omega609: So, yeah, someday I want to be shrunk down so that I am tiny,
and build a tiny pirate ship, and pirate a bowl of soup.
%
Scott: I think the blond elf to the left of Elrond is Glorfindel.
Me: Uh huh. *pause, rewind*
Scott: It's hard to tell though. There are so many tall, blond elves.
Me: Hard for you to pay attention, isn't it?
%
sarah: (backstory: kira is knitting a duck)
%
donny: that site [suicide girls] advertises on every site ever.
randy: well, it's a pretty good site.
donny: all it is is a bunch of hot girls who got together and said "let's
take pictures of ourselves naked" . . .
*pause*
donny: . . . okay, that's a good site.
%
OzBard: are you implying that I suck a human being?
OzBard: wow, what a difference an 'as' makes
%
<xkcd> well, when /. picks up the story in three days, we'll hear a whole
slew of OMG EVIL BIG BROTHER flames
<socket7> of course
<socket7> cause they're real geeks!
<socket7> brainless twats
<socket7> though, a twat with a brain is more disturbing a thought
* xkcd laughs at the idea
<socket7> what a mind fuck
%
<xkcd> let's go to dinner.
<komodo]> in a bit.
<komodo]> I've got a great idea -- let's go to dinner.
<xkcd> it'll never work.
<komodo]> dude, man, I've done the calculations like eight times. it'll work.
<xkcd> dude man?
<komodo]> . . . you're not dude man?
<xkcd> dude, no.
<komodo]> where's dude man?
<xkcd> what? maaan.
<komodo]> man, where's dude-man? dude.
* [komodo] has quit IRC (Client exited)
* xkcd has quit IRC (Quit: dinner)
%
me: let's go to dinner.
donny: in a bit.
*later*
donny: I've got a great idea -- let's go to dinner.
me: it'll never work.
donny: dude, man, I've done the calculations like eight times. it'll work.
me: dude man?
donny: . . . you're not dude man?
me: dude, no.
donny: where's dude man?
me: dude, what?
donny: man, where's dude-man? dude.
*they get up and leave for dinner in unison*
%
me: you have to go upstairs and procrastinate or whatever, so I'll see
you later.
scott: yeah.
me: you're not gonna do your homework, are you?
scott: I'm gonna clean my room.
me: scott, your room is spotless.
scott: I'll pick up the clothes off the bed and hang them up!
me: uh huh.
scott: and then I'll notice that the hangers aren't ordered by color. That
will take a while.
me: it will.
scott: and then I'll . . . dust.
me: will you.
scott: and then sweep.
me: and then dust again, because the sweeping stirred up dust.
scott: yes.
me: and then?
scott: . . . clean my fishtank?
me: mhmm.
scott: and . . . dust my piano!
me: uh huh.
scott: and . . . tighten some screws? somewhere?
%
<grithan> "A Texas woman indicted last month for allegedly giving her husband
a lethal sherry enema said he was an enema addict who did it to himself,
a newspaper reported Thursday."
* spinfire wonders why anyone would waste good sherry by pumping it up
their ass
<xkcd> spinfire: because he was an enema affectionado?
* spinfire wonders if he went to enema wine tastings
<dyfrgi> spinfire: Only if you're tasting wine that was used for an enema.
<aelscha> oh, ew
<spinfire> Now, if it was American Beer, nobody would notice the difference
%
xkcd: it is, as they say, bedtime.
Lena: who says that? i'll punch them in the mouth
Lena: you should carry around an umbrella with your trunk
%
<tweakism> show me an ameoba chewing gum and I'll convert to judaism.
%
doug: Can I crochet your hair?
%
Donny: Quit watching keynotes and go fuck Maine.
%
Donny: You're spreading the trend like butter over the sexy, sexy tops
of trees.
%
Donny: And I'd fly into their window and they'd say "Dr. Riedl just left. Are
you here to have sex with me, too?"
%
<Xavier> Tina is awesome.
<Xavier> I just went downstairs to put on some tea for her, and she put on
some music for me by sshing into the computer near the kitchen.
<Xavier> that's totally hot.
<Tina> I've sshed my way into Xavier's heart
%
Lena: i just eat my recyclables
Lena: and then recycle my poop
Lena: i plant seeds in the poop
Lena: and make newspaper bushes
%
Melissa: If you don't eat a Cadbury egg, I will tell Dr. Fattah in Farsi
that I have an axe in my head. Oh my god.
%
Tom Camp: i have this huge massive chest protecting my lungs. ooooooohhhhhhhh
%
<Xavier> but a gun is a very specific thing.
<Xavier> this could be used to make thousands of kittens!
<Xavier> and somehow a kittengun emerges.
<Xavier> oh, it doesn't kill kittens.
<Xavier> it's just shaped like one
%
Donny: well, then, just forget it, man, and go lettuce hopping.
%
Doug: monkeys stealing eggs putting them under water...
Doug: and legolas was there too
Doug: and my principal
Doug: he reprimanded us for using a boat for non-school purposes
%
Jason: 4 words. hologram. laser. battle axe.
%
Donny: was that a dance song or just your reply to my question?
%
[she dials a phone number]
Julie: Hi, Mom. Are you out of the hospital yet?
*pause*
Julie: Well, I know what a basilisk is.
%
(I'm talking to AJ at breakfast)
Me: I had this dream last night where --
(Guy at other table, to friend) I was running after a really hot jogger
carrying two legs of lamb.
%
sarah: now it is time for songshine with my mammal neighbors
%
<socket7> "thou shalt have no God before me, my son, or the enemies from
pacman."
%
nih0ngo: where is the OASETBTTA?
xkcd: what?
nih0ngo: Online Archive of Snakes Eating Things Bigger Than They Are
%
sarah: *converts you from NTSC to PAL*
sarah: now you can play in europe!
%
beginulate: i think you should wrap the buffalo in newspaper
beginulate: and then spray paint my address on him
%
KageRyu42: y'see, that's what I was saying, but we hired this ethicist and
he.....wait, what the fuck was I thinking? I need to fire that guy.
%
Kira: in the driver's seat, actually
Kira: so i can drive from a tire swing
%
xkcd: I'm looking for a copy of Bach's I Would Like Some Cup Noodles cantada
Kira: i just downloaded that 80s song why did all these stupid cards just
fall out of the magazine onto my lap
%
xkcd: Once again, there will be no Hurricane Kira this year.
Kira: there is a hurricane kira every year. *spins around*
%
Scott A: Randy, you're a strange man but a capable woman.
%
sarah: as my brain says "CONTRARY TO POPULAR OPINION, YOU CANNOT TAKE THE
SKY FROM ME"
%
xkcd: can I take the sky from you?
sarah: NO NO NO
sarah: *space tantrum*
%
sarah: I wouldn't bet against someone regurgitating an owl.
%
bananafish34: i hope no ones passed out in my head
%
xkcd: Who are the five fictional characters YOU would sleep with?
Ashley: The first one to pop into my head was Godzilla.
%
Ashley: *wakes up in a pile of shattered door with hammer jammed in the side
of her face* Uhhh, man.
xkcd: Told you so.
Ashley: Does this hammer make me look fat?
%
Ashley: If you're ever in any trouble just jump twice.
Ashley: That's how you fly.
%
Ashley: I like penguins when they fly and shoot things.
Ashley: And the ones that have the yellow eyebrows.
xkcd: I think you may have real life and video games confused again.
Ashley: And they eat bells!
%
xkcd: I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with this plan.
Ashley: Well, it's either that or never walk again!
Ashley: Come on, it'll be fun.
%
OzBard: did you hear the one about the somnambulistic atheist?
xkcd: . . . no
OzBard: then I guess neither of us knows it
%
Ashley: Sufjan Stevens is my mother!!
xkcd: That's unusual.
Ashley: I got picked on a lot at school.
%
nih0ngo: best-case scenario, they teach you a martial art, also they give
you a special title because you have the skateboard
%
enkidenkidu: Can't make an omelet without killing a few people.
enkidenkidu: Or, at least, I can't.
%
Kira: it was a fight to the death.
Kira: ... of a salesman.
Kira: we fought. all the way over to the nearest theater showing death of
a salesman.
Kira: and then we stopped and had cookies.
%
Ashley: So I'm in my hair?
xkcd: You're certainly not outside it.
Ashley: *takes off wig and stands on it* Now I am.
[long pause]
Ashley: I shaved my head just so I could do that joke.
%
Ashley: Sometimes, I like to sing in front of large crowds, but everytime
I do, they all fall asleep. And I'll get mad and draw on all their faces.
%
beginulate: so
beginulate: i may have asked you this question before
beginulate: but i probably didn't listen to your answer, because i HATE you
%
Ashley: I glued ping pong balls to my laundry hamper and painted it green
so it looks like an aligator, just to busy myself.
%
xkcd: "My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?"
enkidenkidu: My god carries an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action
Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. Your god is missing an eye. Any
questions?
%
Lena: if you wanted real authenticity you would have shaved yourself a
new hairline
%
Mel: I can't neglect my grandmother!
Me: Yeah, that would be like neglecting your grandmother.
Mel: Like . . . stealing from a baby, or beating up an old woman!
[pause]
Mel: (look of horror) Or playing the TROMBONE.
%
Charlotte: nooooooo my legs are not morrrrmonsssssss
%
xkcd: Oops, time to scamper off for a brief class.
Ashley: Remember, knowledge is power. And if you get enough you will gain
a randomly chosen superpower.
%
Lyric: [assembled] Don, you slouch. That picture of you is grotesque. You move
your jaw when you chew. Don, stop slouching! You have weird elbows. Actually,
his are weirder. Your elbows are boring. I don't think men would have
babies. Randall, sometimes your smile looks forced. Scott's very quiet. You
have a bony knee. Actually, it's not that weird. Is that your whole leg? I'm
glad we're friends.
%
Kira I Am: i've seen better ghost towns.
xkcd: you've CAUSED better ghost towns
Kira I Am: syphillis can be pretty deadly.
%
xkcd: THIS looks like a job for . . . SOMEONE-ELSE'S-OPTICAL-PRESCRIPTION GIRL!
Ashley: Able to leap over tall buildings, without being able to see them!
%
Ashley: Unless I find a very big kitten.
Ashley: And if I do, I swear on my collection of old Happy Meal toys that
it IS going to be permanently affixed to you.
%
Ashley: Once, not long ago, I went through this phase where I only ate
Lunchables pizzas.
xkcd: All day?
Ashley: Yep!
%
xkcd: *looks down* Some of us thought it pleasantly erotic!
Ashley: I prefer those old time bicycles, with the big wheel.
%
xkcd: When you mix two people, they keep each other young.
xkcd: Or prematurly age each other.
xkcd: You don't know until it's tried.
Ashley: I never have the chance!
xkcd: Give it time.
Ashley: And why am I eating these Post-It notes?
%
nih0ngo: what they dont tell you is that Ray Charles wasn't blind before he
got hooked diet pepsi
nih0ngo: they don't tell you that because it's entirely false
%
xkcd: So I dress as the nun, then.
Ashley: Yes, and you won't ride the bike, you'll be flying through the air
on a glider tied to the back of it because that's funny.
%
xkcd: I hadn't really read Ozymandius before when I was old enough to pay
attention, I just did. It's a good little poem.
Mel: wow
Mel: i'm so sorry!
Mel: how are they going to treat it?
%
(17:44:11) Ashley: I like hurricanes.
(17:44:33) xkcd: Me too.
(17:45:15) Ashley: I've been fascinated with the higher category ones ever
since Hugo and have been wanting to be hit with another ever since.
(17:45:17) xkcd: Ever since 1991, when Bob went over us, I've wanted a
hurricane to hit me again.
%
Randy: Ooh, hand sanitizer.
Mel: I don't like that stuff. It makes me . . . angsty.
%
xkcd: I quit my job! This was my last day and I'm done.
Kira: you're done for
xkcd: you're done in.
xkcd: well done in.
xkcd: the oven.
Kira: of love
%
xkcd: They were extinct! No one told me.
Ashley: So.. how did this plesiosaurus get in my closet?
xkcd: I was kind of wondering that myself.
Ashley: Hey, now's your chance! Make a move on her!
%
<xkcd> [root@beriah conf]# netcat
<xkcd> bash: netcat: command not found
<socket7> it's so user friendly it doesnt even exist.
<socket7> interesting design philosophy.
%
xkcd: You can build an embassy there.
Ashley: I could, if I were going to conquer it.
Ashley: But I'm not.
xkcd: I would battle you to the last bough!
Ashley: You cannot defeat my army!
Ashley: They're birds.
xkcd: You have a point.
Ashley: In labcoats.
%
Scott: I talked to my mother, and she said my grandmother's wedding band
is probably too low-quality, and my great-aunt's would work but of course
she's still alive.
Sarah: Yeah. But it's okay, I'm looking forward to us finding all-new ones!
Scott: I'm still fine with a silver or a yellow gold.
Sarah: Well, you know the yellow gold is silver color, right?
Scott: I thought it had more of a gold tint to it, like gold pretending to
be silver.
Randy: Remember the good old days, when we sat around talking about video
games?
Sarah: Haha, yeah.
Scott: . . . Randy, that was 45 minutes ago.
Sarah: Oh yeah, I haven't shown you my Sims: Vampires!
%
Scott: Look, it's wonderful that you have these great conversations, but . . .
Sarah: Some of us really work to get in your profile!
Scott: And now that this Ashley person is cluttering it all up, there's no
room for --
Sarah: It was just something to work toward! An accomplishment!
%
Mel: oh! and i learned about cpr today!
xkcd: did you use one of those dummies, or what?
Mel: nah, the hot firefighters
Mel: it wasnt too bad
Mel: next week i get to learn how to throw them over my shoulder and carry
them to my bedroom
Mel: i mean safety
%
xkcd: *brushes teeth*
Ashley: *brushes hair*
xkcd: At least one of us shouldn't be using a toothbrush.
Ashley: My hair is minty!
%
Enki: Your presence is required in Boston. Please start walking now.
xkcd: Estimated time of transit: thirty-five days.
Enki: Walk faster.
Enki: 35 times faster.
%
Donny: We've just gotten so absurd that we have to go to even more levels
of abstraction for it to be funny.
Randy: . . . yeah.
Donny: Why is that funny!?
Randy: I don't know.
[both laugh]
%
<havoc> Parents who do drugs have kids who use drugs.
<havoc> Lesson: Don't have kids.
%
Ashley: *thinks about sleeping*
xkcd: *sleeps about thinking*
Ashley: *slinks about, theeping*
%
Doug: so we could have m79s that shoot constantly
Doug: it would be cah-RAY-zee!
Doug: although i wouldn't use that term if i could wind time back
%
James: here, eat this snapple!
xkcd: *eats* Ow!
James: yeah, it's pretty much just an apple infused with tin.
James: (those of you who know your periodic table a little too well should
be laughing some at this point.)
%
sarah: also speaking of changes, simon totally had boobs.
sarah: and not in a bad way, just pectoralrific
%
SupaJames: the martin luther says:
SupaJames: if you havin girl problems, i feel bad for you, son
SupaJames: i got 95 theses but a bitch ain't one
%
<davean> xkcd: You look at the stats recently?
<xkcd> last I saw the traffic was falling off nicely
<davean> right, which means ... ?
<xkcd> it doesn't need to be taking up your system anymore?
<davean> nope
<davean> you can have it hosted there as long as you want
<davean> It means its time for you to do something interesting again.
<davean> you're officially becoming boring.
%
Gabrielle: We are like two peas in a grumpy, uncooperative pod!
%
nih0ngo: that picture of two lesbians making out makes me want to shoot
the president
%
WilliamWodium: sometimes you don't make it (or: what do I have to do to get a
little first aid around here?), some people just don't understand gunslinging,
it may be a mess but damnit its mine, how easily the sleeping slip, and the
cutest little squirrel you ever saw.
%
Guy in line: English should be the national language, these immigrants should
have to learn English when they come here.
Girl: Yeah
Guy: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak
there. English is the language of the land.
Sarah Mac: (from behind in line) Excuse me, but -- osio sarah dawado.
Guy: What the hell was that?
Sarah: Cherokee.
%
James: if there's some kinda culture war going on tomorrow, yeah.
James: that'd be my bad.
%
James: so i had an awful idea
James: give young kids psycological screenings that put ideas into their heads
James: "agree/disagree: suicide attempts are a good way to meet people,
and get others to notice you"
%
James: I want to start kappa gamma beta
James: and be the most clandestine brotherhood ever
%
Lena: in 2 saturdays, this bar i frequent will be having a THRILLER DANCE OFF
Lena: i've been waiting for this moment my whole life
%
xkcd: any time I need to see your face I just close my eyes, and I am taken
to a place
xkcd: where your crystal mind and magenta feelings take up shelter (what
the hell?)
xkcd: in the base of my spine (huh?) sweet like a chickacherry cola
(seriously, huh?)
Alice: i don't even try to explain
%
Gabrielle: Sigh. How do you tell someone you are not interested in a romantic
relationship?
Gabrielle: There is a guy at work that likes me.
Gabrielle: But he has an Xbox, with blue flames.
%
xkcd: oops, i inhaled some bacon
James: oops, i spilled some bacon
xkcd: oops, i dislocated some bacon
James: oops, i remembered some bacon
xkcd: oops, i reticulated some bacon
James: oops, i resuccitated some bacon
xkcd: oops, i refurbished some bacon
James: oops, i sang some bacon
xkcd: oops, i quarantined some bacon
James: oops, i recruited some bacon
xkcd: oops, i grasped some bacon
James: oops, i heard some bacon
xkcd: oops, i allotted some bacon
James: oops, i withdrew some bacon
%
Donny: holy crap I left the oven on in my dream....bbl
%
Alice: I'm clever!
Me: Me too! I think.
Alice: I challenge you.
Me: To?
Alice: Yes!
Me: Okay!
Alice: I win!
Me: . . . oh. :(
%
Scott: Glenn Close as the first female chief justice!
Scott: *goes and changes his underwear*
%
Mel: i like when we hang out!!!
Mel: and i miss you when you're not here!
Mel: interesting....
%
Lena: teleporting is the new jetsetting anyway
%
James: dear randers:
James: what's your 20?
James: xoxox, james
%
Doug: well... i need my hair in a mohawk, with a topknot below it...
%
Doug logged in.
Doug: t3h 5<13|\|T1|=i< 4|\/|3|21<4/\/
|=|20/\/t13|25!!!11!!!!1!!!1!!111!!!111~11!!1oneoneoeone
xkcd: you're just gonna have to tell me what that says
xkcd: because I don't care enough to figure it out.
Doug: it said, "the scientific american
frontiers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
%
<tweakism> "Mom? Dad? I met this great guy. He's handsome, loyal, funny,
kind, generous and romantic. We're in love!
<tweakism> There's just one problem.
<tweakism> His house beeps."
%
sarah: and brent spiner was in there and i was like "oh man!" and he kind
of glanced out the window, smiled at me then looked away
sarah: and i was like "OH MAN DATA SMILED AT ME"
%
beth: i could see you being a good cat burgular
beth: except not stealing anything
beth: just going into houses and watching TV
%
beth: i want to hear a short and boring story!
%
David is no longer away.
xkcd: extending gen-x irony to one's own death is something
David: uter
xkcd: hmm, I wonder what you were saying
xkcd: computer, probably
David: yeah.
David: actually, i was typing uterus
xkcd: but I'll pretend you were starting to say "uterus" and were startled
into hitting enter.
David: but you startled me
David: ...
xkcd: . . .
David: that was fucking creepy
xkcd: slightly.
David: i think this winter break will be good for us. haha
xkcd: I was about to say that
%
<kin> bring lemonade
<kin> and tissues
<kin> and, as a last resort, lube
%
(20:31:41) Gabrielle logged in.
(22:28:24) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:28:55) xkcd: Hi!
(22:29:56) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:30:12) xkcd: Hi!
(22:32:26) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:33:11) xkcd: Hi!
(22:33:51) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:39:01) xkcd: Hi!
(22:39:12) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:39:23) xkcd: Hi!
(22:40:34) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:41:21) xkcd: Hi!
(22:43:23) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:43:28) xkcd: Hi!
(22:43:41) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:43:44) xkcd: Hi!
(22:43:48) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:43:49) xkcd: Hi!
(22:43:51) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:43:54) xkcd: Hi!
(22:43:56) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:43:58) xkcd: Hi!
(22:44:38) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:44:46) xkcd: Hi!
(22:45:09) Gabrielle: Hi!
(22:55:12) xkcd: Hi!
(23:02:13) Gabrielle: Hi!
(23:22:00) xkcd: Hi!
(23:24:45) Gabrielle: Hi!
(23:24:53) xkcd: Hi!
(23:25:04) Gabrielle: Hi!
(23:25:27) xkcd: Hi!
(23:26:42) Gabrielle: Hi!
(23:26:51) xkcd: Hi!
(23:28:48) Gabrielle: Night night!
(23:29:05) xkcd: Goodnight!
(23:36:22) Gabrielle logged out.
%
sarah: achoooz
xkcd: gazoontite
sarah: ...you, pikachu
%
xkcd: I had a dream I sent these love-note IMs to this girl I had met,
and then I realized I had my tabs mixed up and they all went to you
Stu: that wasn't a dream randy
Stu: and i feel the same way
%
beth: oh, dude, they're talking about abortions, this is awesome.
%
SuperheroGirl421: who needs S&M when you've got E&M?
%
[in the 'chat' window for a flash game]
kioa: I hat girls do u
kioa: do u like girls
kioa: are u there and do you like girls
(Watcher)Tenten: kioa the moment I get home I AM GOING TO BAN YOU I am a girl
%
not kalin: often confused with its counterpart, Comic-Horse Field
not kalin: I think I'm being eaten by a viking
%
xkcd: I dreamed I was losing my hair.
Kira: i dreamed i was stealing hair.
%
Jane: sorry man, but ... well, it's just not possible for you to be bleeding
right now...
%
xkcd: Hi this is Randy's brother,
Gabrielle: Hi!
xkcd: I\\\
xkcd: Randy's keyboard is made of dumbness.
Gabrielle: That explains a LOT.
%
Gabrielle: Man, don't do this to me!
James: that's what SHE said.
%
Randy: Good morning, Alex.
*long pause, silence*
Alex: There are no points for shooting me.
%
[a poem]
Donny: I poke, poke her face
Donny: and yet she still ignores me
Donny: poke poke poke poke poke
%
Derek: Now I have a perpetual spinning burning wheel of death!
Matt: But no zombies. They're all entombed in a wall of salt.
%
Sarah: Haha, the children made her fart!
*pause*
Sarah: I mean, the farting children made her cry.
%
nih0ngo: I potentially have a date on Sunday
nih0ngo: do you want to hang out on Sunday?
%
nih0ngo: oh .....like 3 or 4 weeks ago....someone called me asking for you,
and told me to tell you she called
%
James: i should write a book!
James: called "it's time to be impregnated by a bat!"
%
Kira: i've talked to her about breaking and entering.
Kira: especially with her narcolepsy.
%
not kalin: I think I'll publish a guidebook, "How to tell if you're being
eaten by a viking & other common mishaps"
%
Alice: They can have my vagina when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
%
David: You start off pressing the 'A' button, and then all of a sudden
you're gay.
%
Ashley (auto-away msg): There are a lot of ways to grieve, but last time I
checked, wheelbarrow style wasn't one of them.
%
James logged in.
James: eat a pug!
xkcd: eat a girl!
James: eat a mite!
xkcd: eat a tuber!
James: eat a rickshaw!
xkcd: eat a stickbug!
James: eat a bucket!
xkcd: eat a banshee!
James: eat a zenith!
xkcd: eat a bachelor!
James: eat a garage!
James: (pronounced "garage")
xkcd: eat a rendezvous!
James: eat a shoulder!
xkcd: eat a tunic!
James: eat a chime!
xkcd: eat a barometer!
James: eat a faucet!
xkcd: eat a rhomboid!
James: eat a quaternary!
xkcd: eat a reflex!
James: eat a...breakfast?
xkcd: eat a gasbag!
James: eat a reversible!
xkcd: eat a deflector!
James: eat a transposed!
xkcd: eat a trireme!
James: eat a noun!
%
Kira: I had a dream where I was narcoleptic.
%
Kira: did you catch any planes?
Kira: it seems to me that flying kites is just reverse fishing.
%
Kira: you're even considering NOT going to breakfast naked?
%
<b1o> no one here has access to a CNC machine, do they?
<keith> I used to
<keith> too bad this isn't the past
%
Kira: do you ever stop to consider the fact that snowfall is analogous
to integration?
%
David: Your erect nipples are like a whammy bar, distorting my heart.
%
Tedd: One of these days a bear is just going to jump out and maul you.
David: I hope I'm there for that day.
%
xkcd: i should use this meter in my daily conversations
Scott: But if you did you'd put your friends in frequent consternation.
xkcd <AUTO-REPLY> : i am going off to bed where I will get some sleep.
Scott: then rest assured that you and I will both be counting sheep
%
Lena: how are you?? we haven't talked in... *checks watch*...ages
Lena: give me a life update without using the words "anal" and "leakage"
%
Randy: aww, now I'm gay.
David: and a hive mind.
%
TheOneOutside: Ah, Dada, when will you ever trollop salmon?
%
<stu> which of the following is the best name for my first born child:
King Kong, T-Bone, T-Rex, Bowser, King Koopa or Poindexter?
<stu> i think i want them all
<stu> gonna have to have lots of children..
%
Deputy Danster: is that randy?
Kira I Am: yes
Deputy Danster: i haven't seen him before
Deputy Danster: i expected a lot nerdier looking
Deputy Danster: i expected thick bottle rimmed glasses, pocket protector,
rocket boots
%
[regarding a digital composite of me sitting next to a clone of myself]
Donny: Well, you could disappear at any moment, so it's your only chance to
make out with yourself.
Me: True.
*pause*
Donny: You know, *I* could disappear at any moment.
%
Matt: hey randy, I never thanked you enough for the time we went and flew
kites. I haven't felt that good in a long time, a very long time. You might
think I am overdoing this, but that night was one of the best nights I have
had in years. Hope you have fun in williamsburg.
%
Doug: pikmin too seemed two drawn out
Doug: i'm using spelling errors to my advantage
Doug: and to you're disadvantage!
%
[We're watching Donny play a video game, and the hot girl is killed in a
violent explosion]
Game: Mission failed.
David: Aww, I wanted to hit that. But now I'm reluctant.
*pause*
David: I'm not even sure which parts to hit. If I wanted to hit that from
the back, I'd have to go over there. But hitting it from the front involves
a ladder.
%
Alice: When some people swear, it sounds horrible and mean and cruel. But
when you swear, it . . . sounds like you're talking to bunnies.
%
<aelscha> is there a market for graphic design that makes people want to
kill babies?
%
David: Where is magnetic north on a female?
%
beth: i'll fight you to the death
beth: until i realize you dont have a uterus
beth: by then youd probably only be maimed
%
Sarah Mac: oh wow I've not sang disney during sex in a while...I should
bring that back as a special "blast from pre-engagement past" treat!
%
sarah: and maybe someday amy sedaris will send ME rabbit hay
sarah: a girl can dream.
%
Donny: My friend got back from Russia.
Me: Oh. Where is your friend normally?
Donny: Russia.
Me: So when you say he got back . . .
Donny: I mean he has a nice ass.
%
xkcd <AUTO-REPLY>: Sorry, I ran out for a bit!
Kira: whenever i see that away message, i think "aww, we ran out of randy!" and
i consider making a trip to
the store to get more.
Kira: but then i remember that the world is better without you.
%
David: i decided to make a cd for my drive home on friday, and packed it
with guitar hero songs.
David: As it would turn out, this was the most dangerous thing i've done in
a while.
%
<stu> it would be really nice to get some sort of wife
%
<grue> pff. Not until the rest of the house can come to the bed on demand.
<grue> *click*. *whirrr*. "Hello refrigerator. Nice to see you!"
%
James: do you want to give me a hair cut?
xkcd: *starts chainsaw*
James: wait a minute
James: i said "hair cut"
James: not "oral sex"
%
nih0ngo: if you wanna stop your music from being pirated, name your band
gay anal sex
%
Cory: Enjoy my famous spaghetti, virtually cooked with homestyle recipes
and vaguely put together by elves.
%
<blorpy> i use my spider-ant colonies to keep track of you
<blorpy> so reading any sort of living journal or what have you would be
redundant
%
sarah: also with the simpsons, you seem to have to be fanatical about it
to enjoy it. like, have seen every episode, know all the references, stuff
like that
sarah: and i don't have the patience or the resources
sarah: okay, maybe resources, but not the patience
xkcd: says miss "would you like a report on stephen colbert's history,
summer 1981-spring 1983?"
sarah: ...he was in college
sarah: actually, that's when he was at hampden-sydney, AND I KNOW THIS
because i tracked the dates down and asked jen when her dad went, to see if
there might be any crossover
sarah: because hello, one word: yearbook.
sarah: and tell me you don't want to see his yearbook photo, honestly
%
Kira: MAYBE THEY'RE JUST MORE OFFENDED BY DEFECATION THAN MY COPULATION.
%
<blorpy> what if instead of peas, we had smaller people who, being trapped
in a beachball, decided to eat off the living
%
<Digital> ah yes, how could I forget the comforting sound of old Mum humming
a nameless tune to herself as she made another tea cozy from aluminum siding?
%
Trinhiro: L.Y.L.A.S.
%
banjo: thanks, weedwhacker
%
<mongrethod> the highschool journalism website i run gets 50k hits monthly
<mongrethod> and I was really happy about that
<mongrethod> until I looked at our search keyphrase hits
<mongrethod> top category that wasn't "other"
<mongrethod> "Paly Boy"
<mongrethod> My school is named paly
<mongrethod> so I was thinking
<mongrethod> hmm thats odd
<mongrethod> then it hit me
<mongrethod> rearrange the a and the l
<xkcd> bahahahaha
<mongrethod> I haven't had the heart to tell my staff
%
xkcd: I had this faint hope that when I climbed the tree, you might not cut
it down.
xkcd: I knew it was silly, but I wanted to try.
Kira: pfft.
Kira: if i didn't cut down the tree, WHO WOULD?
%
nih0ngo: I hear boisterous laughter!
nih0ngo: where are you hiding the boys
%
Ashley: I burnt my tongue.
xkcd: *first aides you*
xkcd: How?
Ashley: I had it in the toaster too long.
xkcd: *bursts out laughing*
Ashley: It's not funny.
%

Jane: like that burnt toaster struddle - yeah, i couldn't manage scraping that
burnt part off ........ sex in the snake cage at the zoo was the only solution
%
<shoofle> i wish to build a tornado-proofed underground house.
<shoofle> possibly on the moon.
<dyfrgi> It seems easier to just move to an area of the Earth where there
are no tornadoes.
<xkcd> shoofle: where we live, I would be more worried about velociraptors.
<dyfrgi> xkcd: You might want to consider moving to an area of the Earth
where there are no velociraptors.
<dyfrgi> ... wait
* dyfrgi moves to an area of the Earth where there are no velociraptors.
<dyfrgi> There, done. That was a quick and painless move.
<dyfrgi> A lot less pain than being eaten by a velociraptor, anyways.
* havoc moves to an area of the earth with beer
* xkcd moves the velociraptors so that dyfrgi's location no longer satisfies
the stated criteria
* dyfrgi moves again.
* xkcd places a velociraptor on every other square meter of the earth's surface
* dyfrgi starts moving like a bishop.
%
<Digital> wow, programming's much harder now that I'm screaming and on fire.
%
<jp> squinky: 'tis honest intellectual labour y'r doin'; not th'likes of
those pretentious firefighters & miners
%
Scott: Sarah and I are currently on rocky speaking terms.
Scott: On account of last night, when she asked me if I had any extra q-tips.
Scott: And I said I had them coming out my ears.
%
xkcd: robots.
Andrea: i fail to see how that involves birds either...
Andrea: much less bringing home the birds, and the right ones, at that
xkcd: clearly you haven't considered the possibilities of robot birds
Andrea: yes, actually, i considered that possibility just now. it's already
been done!
Andrea: it's called an airplane
Andrea: so if you want to make little airplanes that sing
Andrea: actually i wouldn't mind that
Andrea: go ahead
%
Kira: *chops off your arm*
xkcd: :( now I only have one left!
Kira: you do?
Kira: *chops off your other arm*
xkcd: i'm starting to suspect that under your loving and affectionate exterior
there lurks some kind of malice toward me
Kira: has anyone ever told you that you're paranoid?
%
Kira: hey!
Kira: HEY
Kira: my turbines!
%
Alice: i secretly hope that someday there will be pictures of my teeth in
compromising positions all over the internet
%
<b1o> i hope you like me standing in the bushes outside your window covered
in honey!
%
sarah: one is part of a conference that costs like $200, and the other is
on a thursday in the middle of the day when i'm working
sarah: that's the SECOND TIME al gore has let me down.
xkcd: third
xkcd: remember that date that he canceled at the last minute?
sarah: oh yeah :(s
sarah: *sits in a restaurant alone, candles waning*
%
Kira: "*breathe*death be not proud *breathe* though some have *wheeze*
called thee *breathe* mighty and dread-*breathe*-ful.."
%
Matt: I should probably call my gayfamily and see if I have a gayappointment
this morning with the gaydoctor, or if it is just a normal appointment in
the afternoon with a normal doctor.
%
Andrea: YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO BE MC OF DEATH. go home and shave something.
%
Andrea: i expect to find you jingling and suffocating
%
Kira: i built a rat cage!
xkcd: yay!
xkcd: out of what?
Kira: out of hatred for you.
%
Alice: like... sexually? personally? ironically? philosophically?
touchyourboobsally?
%
<xavier> Kevin Mitnick got a chuckle out of it. I remember when he called
xkcd and said, "seriously, man, how the hell did you do it?" and xkcd replied,
"oh, you know. it was just one of those days."
<xavier> (xkcd had to pull back the receiver, Kevin was laughing so loudly)
<xavier> Ahh, memories.
%
<blorpy> lately i've started swallowing balloons filled with lasers before
boarding the plane
%
David: I've got to say that your earlier comment about robert ballard has
actually thrown my entire existence into question
%
Cory: [droning loudly] My Jewish mother said "Why don't you wear goulash?" and
I said "Mom, that's a soup" and she said "I hate you."
%
<blorpy> now the kids, they listen to the rap music
<megan> they partake of the crack
<sneakums> and wear the big trousers
%
<blorpy> not only am i a big liberal coward who stands for nothing, but i'm
also lazy, so i'm going to cut and jog
%
<atob> I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO LAUGH
<blorpy> i just write "ha ha" down on a piece of paper and pass it along
%
Nevada: I think that my brain is seeping out my left ear and slowly being
replaced with 3 beetles and a g-string.
%
<deejoe> ok, this is weird. npr is doing some kind of vietnam war
retrospective.
<Spads> oh no
<Spads> that's just the iraq coverage
%
<blorpy> i really should read what i write
<blorpy> but i just can't stand reading all that garbage
%
<blorpy> you're mother is so fat, when she starts racist and opportunist wars
around the world with lies as a basis, she starts racist and opportunistic
wars AROUND the world with lies as a basis
%
Da1the0ne: Is it prostitution if you pay with NSF grant money?
Da1the0ne: and your results go to peer review?
%
Kira: you can't have a nemesis without ME!
%
<blorpy> sometimes it is great to curl up in a comfortable burlap sack
and sleep
%
<xkcd> I move that blorpy be stricken from the record.
<blorpy> that's a might big ruler you have there, xkcd
<xkcd> Thank you! It's the regulation twelve-and-a-half inches.
<blorpy> it's so big, i can only say, you're OVERRULED!
%
Allison: right, so the barista goes "hey! are you going to pay for that
taco?" and the raccoon says "it's not a taco, it's an active grenade!" and
blows the place up.
Allison: long story short, six years in a Mexican prison for the raccoon,
and I'm off scot-free, except with a tail.
%
Nevada: If medicine doesn't help, you can socket me wherever you want.
%
xkcd: I've got cheerios!
Ashley: I've got the soda!
xkcd: I've got the grappling hooks!
Ashley: I've got the human hair!
xkcd: I've got the homing beacons!
Ashley: I've got the pez dispensers!
%
sarah: i've been sleeping next to an instant coffee packet for a week!
%
Allison: so, he usually tells guests upon entering the house "don't touch
the weapons or i'll cut your fucking hands off"
Allison: but this one time he said "i have a broadsword out and i will let
you use it if you can tell me the what the Fibonacci sequence has to do
with rabbits"
%
Randy: Look, I found a cat!
[pause]
Randy: What should I do with it?
Jordan: I recommend venting it to vacuum before you lose containment.
Randy: You're not what people would call 'good with animals', are you.
Jordan: No, but I am good at plasma warp-core repair!
%
Allison: OMG. i just saw a public service announcement on cbs with mandy
patinkin. when the hell did he get all old?
xkcd: okay, who was supposed to keep an eye on mandy patinkin? someone's
in trouble.
Allison: his father, maybe? but someone killed him a long time ago, and i
think that man is now prepared to die.
%
Doug: *thunk!*
Doug: *thoonk!*
Doug: whoo, now I have her voicebox!
%
<blorpy> its a genetic defect :<
%
<res0> oh, pugglewump
<res0> haven't been there in ages
<res0> that's where i met xkcd first, i believe
<blorpy> i met xkcd back in the womb days
<deejoe> you're twins?
<blorpy> yeah, we even have a secreted gland shake
%
Matt: mornin
xkcd: whatever, man
Matt: ?
xkcd: you and your "morning"
xkcd: i'm not even sure it really exists
xkcd: either way I want nothing of it
Matt: I am in favor of morning
Matt: Can we agree to disagree? or will we have to settle this the old
fashion way?
xkcd: I think we'll have to go for the old-fashioned solution.
Matt: When did they do it? because if it was in the morning, you might be
out of luck
%
beth: i thought i felt my balls suck back into my body and form ovaries!
beth: that is a good party trick
%
<Troglomat> doves are just clean pigeons
%
03:53 -!- HotstuFF [3a47071a@hide-27D153A5.techwareit.com] has joined #xkcd
03:54 < HotstuFF> asl people
03:54 < HotstuFF> what's this channel about?
03:55 < relsqui> http://www.xkcd.com
03:56 < HotstuFF> how come there are too many people no one's chatting
03:57 * relsqui waves her hand in front of hotstuff's face.
03:57 < relsqui> This is not the channel you are looking for.
03:57 < HotstuFF> sorry then.
03:57 -!- HotstuFF [3a47071a@hide-27D153A5.techwareit.com] has left #xkcd []
%
Doug: my answer is telepresence
Doug: this has the added benefit that people can't hit me, because they
can't find my specific location
%
Lena: THANK GOD FOR THE FUTURE
%
Ashley: Oh my gosh! They're beautiful now!
xkcd: (aside: Good! She didn't notice the trap.)
Ashley: Good thing I can't read things inside parenthesis. Just a random
thought.
xkcd: (Boy, what a coincidence!)
Ashley: You're awfully quiet.
%
<SpaceHobo> up periscope, down bathyscope
<SpaceHobo> and then a jump to the left
<SpaceHobo> do the time warp again
%
(20:57:49) xkcd: Oh, Kira.
(20:57:54) xkcd: When I'm with you, I'm always lonely.
(20:58:29) Kira: kinda like when i'm with you, you're always stupid.
%
<davean> Occam's razor says I slipped hallucinagenic drugs into your drink.
%
Fresachi: and its only a matter of time before woodland creatures will be
living in my massive beard
%

<blorpy> but i can attest that i've never stabbed a baby anywhere other than
the face
%
* relsqui giggles.
<blorpy> you laugh now, relsqui, but you will be the 398791230th up against
the wall when the revolution comes
<relsqui> I'll be counting.
<blorpy> there's been a lot of planning
<blorpy> in addition to the database ranking those up against the wall
<blorpy> i've delegated some guys to work on my fear weapon, dolphin hitler
<blorpy> i hope he can be charismatic enough to sway enough of the fishpeoples
to my cause
<blorpy> also musselloni
<xkcd> blorpy: die.
<shoofle> clamamoto?
<blorpy> there's been a lot of friction of late though
<blorpy> what with ariel the merman sharon's health problems
%
<xkcd> I was getting really angry at Linux for making it so hard for me to
figure out how to use Samba/SWAT to share my home directory with windows
machines, such a simple thing
<xkcd> and then someone suggested actually checking to see if it was already
working
<xkcd> and it had been there the entire time, set up by the installers
<xkcd> the possibility hadn't even crossed my mind
<sneakums> it's hard to get used to not receiving a black eye for burning
dinner
<sneakums> but in time you will
%
David: Gay Republicans are "Log Cabin Republicans," right?
Randy: Yeah, that's the main organization of them, I think.
David: So . . . would that make Mark Foley a Lincoln Log Cabin Republican?
%
Doug: I want to do maintenance for an ISP
Doug: just so that on job applications, under previous jobs, I can write
"internet plumber"
%
nih0ngo: eventually things will get so bad in iraq that in order to get
attention, groups will abruptly stop killing everyone
%
<captain_blood> these kleenexes claim to kill 99% of cold and flu viruses
<captain_blood> so I'm eating them
%
blorpy: i'm in ur irc channel, ruining your fans
xkcd: im in ur casket usurping ur ultimate judgement
blorpy: i'm in ur brain, absorbing ur precious electroshock treatment
xkcd: im in ur natuilus carrying on ur crusade against mankind
blorpy: i'm within ur hizzouse, rapping with lawn jockeys
xkcd: im inside ur circle of trust plotting ur inevitable betrayal
blorpy: i'm in ur cabinet, advising you in matters of national security next
to the little debbie snacks
%
<squinky> haha, I'm trying to explain "fucking a helicopter" to my gf
<squinky> xkcd: it turns out asking her for 3-way action with a helicopter
is one of those things that can strain a relationship
<squinky> but then, if she dumps me over it, I have the helicopter to myself
%
<skeptical> original pancake house > all
<Cctoide> It'll buy a warehouse full of pink leotards!
<mewyn> I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm
'n secure!!
%
nih0ngo: one mans trophy is another mans penis
%
David: sweet! i've always wanted to make impromptu siamese twins!
%
<Ephphatha> ...I just lost a CD I bought no less than ten minutes ago
<blorpy> Ephphatha: you gotta spend money to make money
%
beth: i want to put him in my kangaroo pouch and bounce around forever with him
beth: god that sounds gross but i only meant it to be whimsical
%
<SpaceHobo> No time for the scientific method. No time for a control group
or whatever. Only time for crossbows.
%
beth: pretend i am not a sex bot
%
<khmer> for the second day of christmas, my true love gave to me
<khmer> chloroform
<blorpy> do you remember the rest?
<khmer> it's a little hazy
%
xkcd: *Puts on a beret*
Ashley: I like hat time.
xkcd: Then why did you stab that man over there when he put on a hat?
Ashley: IT WASN'T HAT TIME YET
%
<xkcd> shoofzilla: your name offends me
<shoofzilla> Yeah? Your FACE offends me.
<xkcd> :(
<shoofzilla> :(
<shoofzilla> :'(
<blorpy> ^-- they ruined each other's christmas
%
xkcd: *plays guitar at you*
Ashley: I don't know how to respond to that!
xkcd: You could play bass . . .
Ashley: I don't have one!
xkcd: *hands you a bass guitar*
Ashley: *eats it*
%
Kira: south is like backwards north.
%
<morner> well, i just wasted a boatload of fuel travelling to 880,383
<morner> some ugly guy in chains approached me
<blorpy> must be one of fantasy universes where your other dimension twin lives
<blorpy> that's an abstraction of the "looked in the mirror" joke
%
<Kira> <3 :(
%
<xkcd> or rather, on children and veterans:
<xkcd> "If you can't support the ones you have, don't make new ones."
<nih0ngo> works well in sim city too
%
<nih0ngo> BANK!
* xkcd banks to the left
<nih0ngo> SODOMY!
<xkcd> :<
%
clavicle: As I soared high into the tag cloud Xeni Jardin carefully put up
for me, I couldn't help but wonder how high we were above the blogosphere.
%
<Zach> Only in hindsight did I realize the good fortune I experienced while
urinating over the edge of the Golden Gate Bridge. The absolute dearth of
witnesses and civil penalties aside, the Universe itself blessed the act
and kept the wind at my back.
%
<nih0ngo> you were on campus yesterday, I saw your car, but you car didnt
have a skype me icon so we couldnt get in touch with you
%
<sarah> DO NOT RAGE AGAINST MY DOG
%
<shoofle> and I believe that getting the machine guns that shoot through
walls may have been a bad choice, vis-a-vis safety
%
<nih0ngo> thats an insignifigant point in time compared to the eons of
our universe
<nih0ngo> none of this matters
<nih0ngo> lets never leave taco bell
%
<relsqui> cron is good at remembering dates
<relsqui> root uses it for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
<relsqui> actually
<relsqui> when I found out he uses it to remember anniversaries--which I
don't mind at all, of course
<relsqui> I said "okay, fuck it, that just makes me a middleman"
<relsqui> so my cron actually emails him to say happy anniversary
%
<davean> There MUST be a solution
<davean> I take it we can't afford to kill all the stupid people?
%
<atob> This is just like watching a porno. Except I can't see anything,
I haven't got a hard-on, and I want to cry.
%
<shooofle> and so I disagree with regina spektor being considered a serious
player in the scientific-academic field.
%
<nih0ngo> with great power outages come great responsibility outages
%
<james> randy, i served with adolf hitler. i knew adolf hitler. adolf hitler
was a friend of mine. and you, sir, are no adolf hitler.
%
<quasimogul> no, i'm implying that maybe the bush administration and the
war in iraq are all a viral marketing campaign for "24"
%
<Geese> back to the future is an exception
<morner> the exception that proves the rule!
<morner> no wait, that's actually the opposite of my position
<morner> this use of the phrase 'the exception that proves the rule', must
be the exception that proves the rule that 'the expression that proves the
rule' is always logical and correct
%
<Kira> the april fools joke is that i never wanted to be friends.
<Kira> i strung you along for *checks watch* three years or so.
%
<dyfrgi> Cooking is kind of like playing a video game.
<dyfrgi> My high score is "delicious".
%
<shooofle> is it another concave 100-gon?
<shooofle> I hate those
<shooofle> they are always stealing my food and stuff
%
<james> ALSO I AM JEALOUS OF CHLORINE GAS BECAUSE I THINK I SAW HIM BONDING
WITH HYDROGEN THE OTHER DAY EVEN THOUGH HE IS JUST WRONG FOR HER I SAW HER
FIRST GOD DAMN IT WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER LISTEN
%
<ocatamai> I accidentally type valid perl when I'm angry.
<ocatamai> @$#()*UD()IIF#
%
[Bucket is the channel infobot]
<khmer> do you know any doo-wop?
<Bucket> IIIIII MET HIM ON A MONDAY AND MY HEART STOOD STILL
<khmer> DA-DOO-RON-RON-RON-DA-DOO-RON-RON
<Bucket> SOME-BODY TOLD ME THAT HIS NAME WAS BILL
<khmer> DA-DOO-RON-RON-RON-DA-DOO-RON-RON-RON
<Bucket> YES HIS NAME WAS BILL YES MY HEART STOOD STILL AND WHEN HE WALKED
ME HOOOOME
%
<Sandry> Note to self: nipple twisting produces bananas.
%
<blorpy> Who are you? What have you done with the world's supply of garlic?! I
want answers!
%
<Monkeyfett8> did he eat too many carrots like that kid on magic school bus?
<Arienna> My aunt did that.
<Arienna> WHen she decided to quit smoking - everytime she wanted a cigarette,
she ate a carrot or some altoids.
<Arienna> She gained 30 lbs off the mints and gave herself betacarotine
poisoning.
%
<shoofle> one male polar bear weighs about as much as 660 placentas.
<sneakums> You have: 1 polar bear
<sneakums> You want: placentas
%
<capitalistbaldo> i'd like to see a fight over a pie
<capitalistbaldo> and not like, two people who want the same piece
<capitalistbaldo> i mean, they hover over a giant pie
%
<trihedron> e4 and I offer you a draw
<warriorness> Draw accepted.
%
<xkcd> SUITE.
<kiraiam> I KNOW, WRITE.
%
<xkcd> warning: hilarious porn link ahead:
<xkcd> http://thefairest.info/thumbs/4bURq6.jpeg <-- *** NSFW ***
<jeph> "okay maybe I didn't need $2000 THIS bad"
<xkcd> she looks like she just regained consciousness
<xkcd> and has no idea what she's doing there
<xkcd> or why that thing was in her mouth
<jeph> "whuh...HUH!?!? WORST SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER"
<jeph> no, sorry
<jeph> "whuh....HURNK? WHURNG SURPRINMF BURMFDUH PLUH EBUH"
<xkcd> caption:
<xkcd> HALP
<jeph> I CAN HAS DENTAL DAM
<xkcd> no, wait:
<xkcd> DO NOT WANT
<jeph> UR DOING IT WRONG
<xkcd> IN UR MOUTH ...
<xkcd> TRYIN 2 BRUSH UR TEETH 4 SUM REASON
<jeph> CEILINGCAT IS WATCHING YOU...UH...ACTUALLY CEILINGCAT IS UNCOMFORTABLE
WITH THIS
<xkcd> TINY TURTLE IS HORRIFIED AND ASHAMED
<jeph> too bad i'm certain lolporn has been done already
<Samari> THIS NOT CHEEZBURGER
<jeph> O HAI
<jeph> I SHUT YR GIRLFRIEND UP
<xkcd> HOW DO I AVOID SHOTTING WEB?
<jeph> MY HARBLS
<jeph> LET ME PUT THEM IN UR MOUTH
<xkcd> EVERY TIME YOU DO THIS, GOD KILLS A CAT SPECIES
<xkcd> BITCHES FINALLY KNOW BOUT MY DICK
<xkcd> and lastly
<xkcd> SEMEN MUST FLOW
%
<neale> I just finished writing a LoTR/Star Trek/Dirty Pair/Lion King crossover
fanfic in lojban. At the start of the discordian new year I'm going to start
broadcasting it using morse code over ham radio.
%
<pikhq> The sweet and sour panda exploded.
%
<airtank> My grip on the English language is gaying.
%
<khmer> You are standing in a living room. To the north lies the kitchen. There
is an intense aroma coming from there.
<khmer> To the west lies the front door. Coats and shoes are piled all around.
<khmer> To the east lies a patio.
<khmer> To the south lies a hallway; over the arch is a hand-lettered sign
"BATHROOM ON RIGHT."
<khmer> There is a smorgasbord here.
<khmer> >
<vector40> east
<khmer> You stride confidently out to the patio and crash loudly through
the closed sliding-glass door. Shards of glass litter the deck.
<khmer> >
<vector40> look
<khmer> You are standing on a patio with several dozen people, all of them
looking at you.
<khmer> >
<vector40> look people
<khmer> "Look, people," you say, "What's up with airport bathrooms?"
%
<Katrie> what's wrong with you
<khmer> i'm mad with power and saturated with a disgusting sense of personal
superiority
<Neeksleeps> Is there a word for that?
<khmer> "khmer"
%
<khmer> i will speak uninterrupted here
<khmer> (i hope)
<Bucket> Bananas!
%
<khmer> you know who never got eaten by a grue?
<khmer> MOSES
<relsqui> prove it.
<khmer> relsqui: Exodus 34:30
%
khmer: wait, cado, since i've been in here, you've wished death to america and
western europe and maybe japan, then yelled about link's crossbow training,
then flirted with celine, then been surprised that there are nerds in here
khmer: i'll need two good reasons in the space of one sentence not to ban
your hemisphere
cado: penis penis penis penis penis
khmer: ...
khmer: that's ONE
%
<morner> Q: What is the physicist's definition of a vector space?
<morner> A: A set V such that for any x in V, x has a little arrow drawn
over it.
%
<vector40> someone suggest a course for me to take next quarter.
<root> Dark wizardry!
<vector40> don't meet the prereqs
%
<fortitUs> hm.. whats a strapon? :S *innocent look*
<relsqui> fortitUs: it's what I would use, lacking a cock, if I wanted to
screw someone with one
<fortitUs> O_O
-!- fortitUs [lordogame@hide-1F17685D.singnet.com.sg] has quit [Quit:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh]
<relsqui> oh man, I remembered that he's like 12 RIGHT after I said that
%
<Geese> I think short hair's pretty awesome too
<Geese> and
<Geese> it has the advantage of being less likely to get stuck in heavy
machinery
<Geese> which, you know, is something I look for in a woman
%
<vrek> I hate dealing with freaking girls, seriously I want to just kill
everything with a god damn vagina!!!
<yy2bggggs> vrek: A gun would work better
%
<LSK_> I have a perl question.
<LSK_> Is it appropriate to add #Yum! after each chomp command?
<zigdon> _LSK_: I think the programs fail 'use strict' if you don't
<zigdon> though, I've seen # nom nom nom used as well
%
<sneakums> and that's enough of confusingly-named musical instruments for now
<xkcd> sneakums: but I was just getting the anal viola warmed up!
<sneakums> i do like a bit of anal violation
%
<Glench> we have projectors that can hook up to the teachers' laptops in
every room
<Glench> and so he had his screen up looking to get to a powerpoint
<Glench> and next to the powerpoint it said
<> Hitchhikers I've killed.txt
%
<> #3: how do you get him laid while on the bicycle?
%
<xkcd> I am about to attempt a Mission.
<xkcd> I am going to try something I have never done before.
<xkcd> I am going to Scramble Eggs.
<creature> xkcd: I didn't even know they had an air force.
%
<> flyingferretbot?
<> it does our gophering
<> amongst other things
<> like making important life decisions
<> ferret: go to college or become a heroin addict?
<> become a heroin addict
<> will do!
%
<> He hasn't responded.  He must have fled.  He knows too much.
<> or else he's already at the drop point
<> Red phoenix, your wings are extinguished.  Your wings are
extinguished!
<> shoofle: abort.  the goose has found the ovaries.  abort.
<> xkcd: roger.  are the condors under the treasure chest?  reply.
<> negative.  condors have been extinct for some time.
<> affirmative.  are the dingos under the treasure chest?  reply.
<> negative.  dingos are confined to southeast asia and australia.
are you sure you know what you're talking about?
<> negative.
%
<xkcd> good morning
<nih0ngo> dude
<nih0ngo> stop messaging me, I already subscribe to your RSS feed
%
<> well, seeing as how she's an mit student
<> the first step is making sure she isnt carrying any hoax bombs
<> that is, make sure they are all authentic bombs
<> speaking of which, I actually saw star simpson today
<> I wanted to go say hi
<> but wanted to be outside of the blast radius
<> exactly
%
<> > Dear MIT DMCA Agent,
<> > After viewing Scoop and receiving your notice, I was more than
happy to comply with s request to destroy it. Rest assured that I will no
longer be downloading or sharing any post-Manhattan Woody Allen films.
%
<khmer> i'm hominysexual
<khmer> i only fuck corn
<Sonja> hahahaha
<Sonja> khmer can you teach me your lanugage?
<khmer> Sonja: sure, but you really need an ear for it
%
<xkcd> I have no regrets!
<Octal> We can change that.
%
<> man, the games you could play
<> name as many pokemon during climax as you can
%
<> hitler is only funny in moderation
<> fortunately, hitler's moderation is one of his foremost qualities
<> indeed - he didn't kill *all* the Jews in Europe, after all!
<> +1 Insightful
%
The Wikipedia article on blogs with every word that is not a derivative of
"blog" removed:

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blog blog blog blogging blogging blogs blog blogs blogging Blogging blogging
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Blog Blog Blog blog blog Blog Blog blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog blog
%
<SpaceHobo> we could probably make a pretty penny [if we made] those t-shirts
<SpaceHobo> or at least we could have in 2003
<Randall> you could do that now
<SpaceHobo> taxes scare me away from entrepreneurialship
<SpaceHobo> also you are drunk
%
<squinky> gads, I hate when foreshadowing is too thinly veiled
<Screwtape> squinky: But not as much as you will about ten minutes from now.
%
<khmer> "what do you call a vector space that is complete normed and yellow?"
<khmer> "a Bananach space"
<xkcd> khmer: :(
<khmer> xkcd: look, i just flew here from a calabi-yau manifold, and boy
are my arms toroid
%
* airtank was nine in 1996.
<xkcd> airtank: that's horrifying
<xkcd> although to be fair I was only 11 for most of it
<khmer> xkcd: just think about this
<khmer> people born during the clinton administration are losing their
virginities
<xkcd> hahah
<airtank> AAAAAHHHHH
<xkcd> khmer: in many cases, to Clinton himself.
<khmer> xkcd: STOP STEALING MY PUNCHLINES
%
<Atob> [atob@groznick:~] while true
<Atob> while> do
<Atob> while> eject /dev/cdrom
<Atob> while> eject /dev/dvd
<Atob> while> eject -t /dev/cdrom
<Atob> while> eject -t /dev/dvd
<Atob> while> done
<Atob> If I close my eyes it's like I live in a robot factory!
%
<Atob> I wonder how long it'd be before a police identikit artist guy
realised that you're describing him.
%
<xkcd> he's breaking every time I add a factoid
<relsqui> that is no good :(
<xkcd> maybe he's sick
* xkcd takes him down for now until he can make some adjustments
<relsqui> I thought he was looking a little pail
%
<SupaJames> you can't say shit on basic cable.
<SupaJames> so airplane! just had to say "or else the ____ will really hit
the fan," which was followed directly by shit hitting a fan.
<SupaJames> language is powerful and all
<SupaJames> but i'd argue the image was more evocative of the thing you
wanted to censor
%
<Randall> no snitchin'
<cow> i envision an angry black man scolding a small ball with rapidly
flapping wings
%
<Randall> shoofle: so basically it's like this
<Randall> the choice between emacs and vi is like the choice between the light
side and the dark side
<Randall> except all you can do is choose between two different dark sides
<Randall> which are wildly opposed
<Glench> and obi-wan is a woman
%
<xkcd> hey, I got an email from Radia Perlman
<emad> there's a loop in his apartment's network
<emad> SHE KNOWS WHERE THEY ALL ARE
%
<Atob> The thought of a fully aquatic mammal just turns me on.
<Atob> I mean, a cetacean is practically human!
<Atob> Compared with, say, a frog.
<Atob> And yet they're like big old mammalian boats.
<Atob> BOATS
<Atob> I wish I were a boat.
*** Atob is now known as Aboat
%
<megan_of_wutai> you dropped the cocaine
<emad> cocainus
<emad> ask me where you apply it
%
<kiraiam> Randall I'm just gonna keep moaning if you don't jump in here.
<xkcd> sorry someone handed me a trig problem
<xkcd> and I just sort of tuned out the entire world
<kiraiam> well that's perfect.
<kiraiam> way to go off on a tangent.
%
<Xavier> "The program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You can install
it by typing: apt-get install apt"
%
<khmer> there isn't an emoticon for how i feel right now
%
<Randall> khmer: just gimme a moment
<Randall> I'm being witty on a small keyboard here
<khmer> xkcd: granted, but i'm keyboarding on a small wit
%
<khmer> i just felt like communicating with you using symbolic violence
<postmodern> khmer_at_work: why not use embolic violence?
<postmodern> blood clots everywhere!
<khmer> postmodern: because i pulmonary no punches
%
<emad> well well well
<emad> now the GOAT becomes the GOATEE
%
<> my eyes shift between green, blue and grey
<> According to the strength of the wifi signal in the immediate area.
%
<> the revolution will not be encoded as a UPC symbol readable with
your CueCat
%
<sneakums> Dumont: emacs or vi is <reply>Fuck you and
           your false dichotomy! I'll use ed!
<emad> s/and/or/
%
<khmer> here's the way to do it. you've got a package of bacon, right? if
it's sealed, then put the sealed package in a bucket of hot water
<xkcd> what about the microscopic wave?
<khmer> are we referring to anthony michael hall's hairstyle?
%
<> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a0/Mystery_Hous
        e_-_Apple_II_render_emulation_-_2.png
<> that's a sweet ass tree
<> sweet ass-treee
<> The Sweet Ass Tree is indigenous to Sierra, Nevada.
<> In the same family as the Sour Ass Tree.
<> geoff: i've tried the syrup from that tree
<> ruined my pancakes
<> How did you get the syrup?  Did you tap that ass tree?
%
<> guys I'm pretty sure jesus did darfur
%
<> today's lesson: you can't just up and pour hot bacon grease into a
plastic cup
<> because in a staggeringly short amount of time the cup becomes a
plastic pancake in the center of a pool of grease
<> xkcd: My dad tried to do that with styrofoam cups once
<> He even doubled-up the cups!
<> but it broke anyway
<> and that is how you were born, my son
%
<SpaceHobo> they're called "nipples"
<megan_of_wutai> ...
<Dumont> [You hear the chime of a cash register.]
%
<> An idea from last weekend -
<> The Amazing Dr. Goatse, stage magician!
<> Is THIS your card?
%
<> I spent this past Sunday coding in VB.  Ended up around 2800 lines.
That night, I dreamt a grizzly bear raped me.  I wish the dream was real
and the VB was a dream.
%
<blorpy> i'm in the crawl space of your heart
%
<relsqui> I'm upgrading to gibbering gerbil
<relsqui> (if they're going to use an easily pattern-matched name scheme I
see no reason I should stick to their choices)
%
<> Hotmail is such a whore.
<> Its the whore that everyone has fucked, and nobody wants to
<> GMail is like getting to nail the preacher's daughter
<> Only to find out she's really a boy, but you shrug and keep on
smashing it
<> No? just me?
<> Just you
%
<xkcd> blorpy: I had a dream where you were trying to sell several tons of
mixed scrap metal/barley.
<blorpy> was it a 30/70 mixture or a 60/40
<blorpy> because one is deserves ridicule
<blorpy> and the other is probably true
%
<Belial> i can't count how many times i got laid while my parents were home
<Belial> Neither can I. Mostly because I don't call home while I'm doing it.
%
<> Apparently some museum did a Salvador Dali exhibit a while back
<> and after it was up for like, a month, it came out that half
of the paintings were fakes!
<> oh snap
<> And at first I was all, damn. Shouldn't someone have caught
on to that right away?
<> Then I realized, it wasn't that big a surprise
<> After all,
<> NO ONE INSPECTS THE SPANISH EXPOSITION
%
<> oh... well i'm not getting any errors or anything - the
output just isn't there
<> are you watching syslog?
<> I stopped watching syslog after it jumped the shark
%
<xkcd> every time she drinks energy drink, you drink an anti-energy drink.
<shoofle> after I drink the anti-energy drink, I give her a hug
<shoofle> and the energy is instantly converted to matter!
<shoofle> and that is where babies come from
%
<> blorpy: "species?" you can't be serious!
<> i was making a specious argument
<> it seems a lot more specious in here since blorpy showed up
<> it might be the lighting
<> that's a spicy accusation
<> i demand restitution, monetary, in your choice of specie
<> can you change beenz or flooz
<> and if so, into what
<> (nb: "stalk certificates" not an acceptable answer)
<> i can convert beenz to a benz, but the exchange will cost me an e
<> i'll note that in my log
%
<Glench> I wish I could crowd surf on a herd of cats
%
<> I heard Bizarro Johnny Cash once resuscitated a man in Reno
just to watch him live.
%
<> the PM of Ukraine is a total babe!
<> she also has that whole Leia-esque hairstyle going on.
<> I can totally see her kicking it on Hoth.
<> or in Moscow, whatever.
%
<> I can't tell who's talking about ESR and who's talking about
Ron Paul.
%
<> infants at the booth!
<> no booth babies
<> too much diaper changing
<> and tears
<> booth naked adult women may work better though
<> like i said
<> too much diaper changing
<> and tears
%
<> Irc is just a glorified chat room
%
<> xkcd: Ah, yes, that ploy worked great for Nixon!
<> Oh, go troll someone who needs it.
<> or at least try a little bit harder
<> maybe you should come on #xkcd and itemize your possessions,
and insist that you wear a proper cloth coat
<> like I said, plz try harder
<> no really, this is really a successful experiment.  It has really
won me over with the quality of discussion
<> Okay, that's better.  Now start bringing in a discussion of my other
defects.
<> well for starters you don't seem to have any vowels.
%
<>  <Bucket> Hey, guys, don't forget to lose the game.
<>  <Beelzebub> :O
<>  <xkcd> Bucket: don't you lose the game when you say that?
<>  <Bucket> You can't lose the game if you don't think. :D
<>  <xkcd> good point
<>  <Bucket> Thanks. I sharpen it every day.
<> Bucket grows more and more convincing
<> Bucket: Don't be Skynet, OK?
<>  <~xkcd> Bucket: skynet?
<>  * Bucket stares wistfully into space with a dreamy expression,
thinking of the future
<> :<<<
%
<winvirus> seen action
<Bucket> I haven't seen 'action', winvirus
<winvirus> I'LL BET YOU HAVEN'T
%
<SpaceHobo> Spock coolly yet passionately pushed Kirk Cameron against the
starship bulkhead.
%
<> EJ: The Australians don't really fight wars, they just go
"hoorah!" to whoever looks to be winning, and then claim part in victory.
<> australia had the highest casualty per populuation ratio of any
country in wwii
%
<> I'm guessing joan of arc never said "Let them eat Pizza"
<> it wasn't Joan of Arc, it was Marie Antionette.
<> And she didn't say cake.  The line was "Then give them
brioche", which, at the time, was basically bread with a few extras.
<> in short, the "let them eat cake" is a lie
%
<> if you turn the earth upside down, how come north isnt south?
%
<> I've taken relationship advice from therapists and it's got me
in this position now.  Could a cartoonist be any worse?
[...]
<> Oh god.
<> I just realized I'm flirting with you.
<> I gotta go.
 -!- Confused [bboyko@hide-9883AC99.verizon.net] has left #xkcd-signal []
%
<khmer> this coming us presidential election will be a good test of string
theory, because none of the 10^500 string vacua actually contain a president
barack obama
%
<Cellshot> I'm going to invent a game and the only rules are: 1) You are
now playing, and 2) You may not reject sexual advances from Cellshot
%
<> you have a big banquet with surprise guests
<> and then at the end SURPRISE!  It's a TV show!  You just ate a
third grader!
%
<davean> Seems to work ok for my number crunching friends ...
<nchanter> your number crunching friends?
<xkcd> i've come to swap with you again
<xkcd> division error is slowly creeping
<xkcd> bad random seeds while I was sleeeeping
<Xavier> The precision of the pathways in my brain - cross-domain - create
sounds of sirens.
%
<cow> i'm so meta i shit myself!
<cow> ... eww
<cow> the original intention was never..
<cow> but it kinda.. double.. entendred..
<xkcd> I see, but ... and ... eww.  Haha -- but ... oh.
<cow> yeah.
%
<> I recommend the book Bellweather.  It has a neat bit about a researcher
studying fads -- she talks about anti-fads, fads where it's fashionable to
hate something, with smoking as an example
<> Crocs are an example of an anti-fad.  I wear them sometimes -- it's
really interesting to see the negative reactions from people who don't
normally give a shit about fashion.
<> and before you jump in with your explanation of why your hatred of
crocs is completely rational and not part of a trend at all, please pause
and reflect for a moment.  You're getting angry about what shoes someone
else is wearing.  YOU HAVE BECOME THAT GIRL FROM YOUR HIGH SCHOOL.
<> ugh crocs
<> meh, crocs are ugly.
<> xkcd as long as you dont wear them in public haha its cool
<> xkcd, please tell me you only have them as a joke
<> oh god crocs D:
%
<fo0bar> Traditionally, the traditionalists have had their way.  I don't
think that should change
%
<Shrdlu> Am I a bad person if I really want to see Gore jump in and split
the Democratic vote, just for the sheer narrative glory of it?
<Shrdlu> I mean, not *want* want, but... some combination of "would laugh
really hard at" and "would be emotionally crushed by".
<xkcd> I'll allow it if you allow me my fantasy narrative where Taft returns
from the dead and crushes everyone.
<xkcd> Both electorally and literally.
<Shrdlu> Haha YES.  Bonus points if he arrives at the convention by falling
from the ceiling when they release the Crapton O' Balloons.
<xkcd> Oh God.  Hundreds would be killed.
<Shrdlu> "Anyway, they've started up the music and everyone's rocking out.
Back to you in the -- holy god, what-- what is that mass?  Is that William
Howard Taft?"
<xkcd> There's a rumbling series of crashes, the camera is thrown sideways,
you hear a few screams over the rising white noise of a panicked crowd ...
<xkcd> over it, a roaring voice: "TAFT'S BACK, BITCHES!"
<Shrdlu> Screen goes black.  Title card: "THE DAY TAFTER TOMORROW.
COMING ELECTION DAY 2008."
%
<blorpy> i'd count higher but i don't have any more corpses
<cow> Corpses are the new fingers.
<cow> ...Good lord i'm bad at foreplay.
<khmer> you're a regular cadavanova
<xkcd> to be fair, she's dead sexy
<xkcd> so she's probably sexy dead, right?
<khmer> why settle for le petit mort
%
<Belial> I was really hoping McCain would have a heart attack and it would
be Obama Huckabee.
<shoofle> man.
<shoofle> that would be a quick fight.
<Belial> You'd tune into the debates, and it would just be Huckabee lying
facedown, screaming, while Obama steps, carefully and deliberately on the
back of Huckabees neck.
<Belial> Obama would raise his foot back up, slowly, then glance up at the
camera, smile real big, and remind you that the daily show's on.
<Belial> And shouldn't you really be watching that?
<Belial> Huckabee would beg for someone to please do something, but you
wouldn't notice. You're already flipping away. Obama has it covered.
%
<Shrdlu> I'm going to go out on a limb and fall out of a tree.
%
<sneakums> come with me if you want to blog.
%
<Christine> I fell down some stairs outside of Planned Parenthood
<Christine> then I didn't have to go in
%
<SuperCrazy> I consider myself reasonable.
%
<blorpy> i tuch ur meal slot
%
<clavicle> Grammer pedantry: the epitomy of trolling
%
<megan_of_wutai> you could start a religion with the sole and central tenet of
"Be excellent to each other" and then, 2000 years later, people are being
exiled to work in the hell mines of Fantrox VI for being too excellent
to themselves
%
<xkcd> press B to use your snout to find truffles
<cow> shoot outside of the pig to reload!
%
<khmer> do you need a helping verb, sweetie?
%
<SpaceHobo> I have just about no patience for folk who lack any appreciation
of mischief.
%
<LSK_> Glench is Shoofle. I'm 94% positive.
<Glench> _LSK_: that is totally and
<shoofle> completely ridiculous!
%
<> "oh god the vitamin-packed citrus humanity"
<> "the carnage, high in calcium, is difficult to comprehend..."
%
<cow> holy dyslexia, Matban!
%
<> in conclusion, fuck people.
<> Judging by the birth rate, that's a surprisingly
popular conclusion.
%
<Glench> you got your matter in my anti matter!
<Glench> you got your antimatter in--
%
<xkcd> [appended last word giving me some illusion that I might
have changed someone's mind about something]
<SpaceHobo> [obligatory reference to paedophiles]
<xkcd> [attempt to draw the conversation back to the flaws of
religion]
<amb> [non sequitur link to photoshop phriday]
<SpaceHobo> [hitler]
%
<Octal> So if living well is the best revenge, how am I supposed
to serve it cold?
%
-!- khmer [khmorf@494F6C13.667EA643.A5FAA456.IP] has joined #xkcd-signal
<khmer> his hoary, ragged breathing filling the dank room, xkcd
lumbers to the altar
<xkcd> his reluctant siamese twin dragging behind him
<khmer> the stench of ammonia, cut with a pleasant potpourri of camphor and
citronella, permeates the air from the eldritch glade plugin
<xkcd> suddenly the scene stops.  flickers.  starts haltingly, and then
goes grey.  xkcd's heart sank in his chest as he realized the viewer had
switched to Opera.
<xkcd> and, he realizes simultaneously, the tense had switched
from present to narrative past
<xkcd> as it stood, he was on edge; had there been a past subjunctive
of some kind, he wouldn't have known *what* to do.
<khmer> unearthly streaks of flickering blue and white crept
in from the periphery; xkcd's face was distorted, stretched and skewed,
and he felt the fabric of his universe rend and tear; his eyes becoming
oblate spheroids and near-paper in turn. he considered in a calm way as
only the unclean and devilbegotten can: what has come of my world and my
wakefulness? and a voice boomed
<khmer> "Your display settings have changed. You can keep this
setting or try another. Do you want to keep the new settings?"
%
<Glench> it's a good thing I'm so nubile or this would never work
%
<Glench> i should go to sleep on account of a headache and working
in the morning and the apocalypse
%
<fo0bar> knock knock
<Dumont> Who's there?
<fo0bar> wait
<fo0bar> you go first.
<Dumont> Okay.  Knock knock.
<fo0bar> who's there?
<Dumont> Orange.
<fo0bar> orange who?
<Dumont> Please wipe the cheeto dust off your genitals.
%
<shoofle> "Oh, my, blog, becky, look at her SIDEBAR."
<shoofle> "it's just so rounded corners and out there"
<shoofle> (- Glench)
<cow> i like big templates.
<khmer> and i cannot lie, you web designers can't deny
<khmer> that when a page renders well in xhtml and it validates as well you
get sprung
<khmer> and you think about feeds cause you know machines could read
<khmer> deep in semantic coding
<khmer> other brothers' pages are still loading
<khmer> oh, blogger, i make your layouts funky
<khmer> with my greasemonkey
<khmer> JS console tries to warn me, but that DOM you got makes
<khmer> muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh
<khmer> Firefox has encountered a problem and needs to close.
<khmer> baby got hacked!
%
<SpaceHobo> Mrs. Hobo's employer invented "duvet days" where if you have no
meetings scheduled and no hard deadlines that day, you can just call in a
certain number of days per year and say "yeah not coming in, sorry"
<khmer> duvet day sounds like a good cover story
%
<> this is where I need to work on restraining my instinct for storytelling
<> lockpick-holding TSA guy: "You know, these are illegal to carry in
Massachusetts.  Where'd you get them?"
<> "oh, man, it all started with this hacker girl."
<> "first, lemme tell you about her.  she was *something else*."
<> "eyes like two jolly ranchers!"
<> "her hair was like lego blocks"
<> skin like a fine linoleum
<> (because she treated it with linseed oil)
<> lips like a pair of amorous snakes
<> nose like a ski jump
<> nipples like abandoned oil wells
<> torched by the retreating iraqis
<> her hips were like nixon's jowls
<> she used to do this thing with the hairs on her thighs... man,
what a body!
<> legs like one-a them egg-stealing dinosaurs.  you know, with the
curved head but not the frills.
<> gallimimus, I think.  or wait, that was an herbivore.
<> She liked to have her toes sucked, sometimes even when there
wasn't any poison left
<> she was a strapping young gal.  practically covered in buckles.
<> Always carried a set of MMRs with her.  You know, just in case.
<> she could shoe a horse in under 12 hours.
<SpaceHobo> wove quills into her braids, and her oversized ear-stud was
a cleverly disguised inkwell.  Always ready in the event that revolution
forced her to sign a new constitution
<SpaceHobo> "Say, this is a really good story, and it's noisy here.
Why don't we go over to that Chik-Fil-A and I can tell you over a sandwich
and a mountain dew.  My treat!"
<SpaceHobo> "Her name?  Well I'm afraid her name is a Killing Word..."
<caycos> you guys are odd
%
<khmer> how hard would it be to get a lapel pin on a horse
%
<Glench> "What's wrong, Dyslexic Lassie?" the farmer asked the excited dog,
"Is Timmy wrapped in a tell?"
<cow> I don't see how the farmer can discern anything from all that braking.
%
<> I've never quite understood the argument that allowing gay
marriage undermines the 'institution'
<> my mother wrote a rather pithy letter to the main virginia paper to
that effect
<> basically, re: the defense of marriage act, "what in god's name makes
you think you need to defend my marriage against my neighbors'?"
<> it's like back in the 60s, when they were trying to defend the
guitar from Jimi Hendrix
%
<> So why would it be grabbing that much memory, I wonder?
<> nothing obviously jumps out as being especially memory-hungry
<> I can tell you *where* it's grabbing the memory, if you want to know
<> that would be helpful
<> It is ... line 1354 of include/preprocessor_hash.php
<> at the risk of sounding foolish, given that line 1354 appears to
be a call to wfDebug(), what happens if we just comment that out?
<> ssh keys created in debian become insecure
%
<> /lastlog do you think obama will clinch tonight
<> /lastlog midget rental
<> !file barbra streisand ogg
<> ls *trepan*.mov
<> locate -l 0 -r (f|sh)emale_circu(s|mcision_instructions)\.(pdf|tex)
%
<khmer> did you get my mix?
<khmer> I saw a message.  It had a tomato.  I was confused and went
back to sleep.
<khmer> i'm not referring to the naked picture of my ex-roommate's
friend that i "accidentally" sent to obama@hellokitty.com
<>     ^--- been waiting my whole life to type the above sentence
%
 The sign in front of a nearby church has read,

           WE ARE TOO BLESSED
            TO BE DEPRESSED

for a while now.
 I finally gave in, hung out the window of my
vehicle, and lanced it with a baseball bat.
                      -- Ashley
%
<SpaceHobo> Hi, asl.
<sneakums> I see.
<caycos> omg f/18/denver!
<SpaceHobo> im hurd n i tuch ur gnubs
<rpm> i tuch ur cake reseptikal
<SpaceHobo> i feed ur pony
<rpm> i balance ur checkbook
<SpaceHobo> i raek ur lown
<rpm> i snaek ur dranepipez
<SpaceHobo> i catalog ur liberry
<rpm> i run my fingerz along the top of ur doreframes pickin up dust
<caycos> sorry have to go
<bz2> You're all terrifying.
%
<fo0bar> children are our future
<fo0bar> and like all futures, they should be traded on an open market
%
<Glench> I think I'm going to start saying "I am several lesbians" instead of
"I am tired"
%
<Glench> oops, that was a typo
<Shrdlu> I was trying to decide whether to riff on it, but I'd just walked in.
<Shrdlu> Didn't want to be a context-free grammar Nazi.
%
Sarah: god does it piss me off when characters go bravely and decisively
to their death, but the writers/producers say "but buuuuuuut we (and the
audience) liked him, he's GOTTA stick around! *twist logic and shit*"
James: quite
Sarah: see: harry potter
James: see also: the bible
%
<emad> goatbat
%
<Glench> I think you are drunk on power
<khmer> weird because this LOOKS like just plain beer
%
<RK> chess is easier if you place Battleship alongside for suppressing fire
%
<Glench> my new hobby
<Glench> going into stores with random everyday objects and talking into them
<Glench> if anyone asks, I'll just say they're bluetooth headsets
<Glench> which *brings* me to my next point
<Glench> bananaphone!
%
 -!- Shrdlu [~reuven@hide-A8E0B8AE.mclnva23.dynamic.covad.net] has joined
#xkcd
<rpm> spenguin: no, and it's just a myth that kittens in the gas tank will
caramelize and ruin your engine
<spenguin> rpm: But all that happened when I turned on the car was a short
meowing noise and then nothing else
<Shrdlu> I don't know what I walked into but it can't possibly suck.
%
<fo0bar> I want a pony.
<Dumont> You can't handle a pony!
%
<Royall> "We have been trying to eliminate the penny for quite some time --
it always comes back," Obama said. "I need to find out who is lobbying to
keep the penny."
<theonetruemango> but I thought obama loved change
%
<khmer> java isn't the worst language ever, it just democratizes programming
by making much of the labor less skilled
<reportingsjr> khmer, hahahahahaha
<khmer> reportingsjr: i'm serious
<reportingsjr> khmer, I know
<khmer> the blistering, unctuous fury from Real Programmers or whatever only
tells me that people who call themselves Real Programmers are, emotionally,
fascists
<reportingsjr> Because, if they taught C then people couldn't suck that much,
and the ones who didn't like program would jsut go "fuck that shit."
%
<psykoyiko> eventually the internet will just be a kvm over ethernet, and
all our programs will run on GDataCenter
<psykoyiko> THUS KILLING THE DESKTOP APPLICATION
<psykoyiko> (and resurrecting it on a blade)
<psykoyiko> Google app engine, windows edition, will be a sandboxed version
of the win32 api, plus .net
<psykoyiko> but registry reads/writes will be thunked down to an sqlite
compatible api, thus ensuring portability and reliability
<psykoyiko> dude, I could totally work for techcrunch
%
<khmer> man, ike is beating the shit out of cuba
 * khmer places a softball carefully on the tee
%
<postmodern> All I'm hoping is that at one point during these debates, when
asked about the prospects of military conflict with Russia, that one of the
candidates replies with "You must be Putin me on"
%
<bz2> Wow, some Ohio town had 3000 foreclosures last year on a population
of 80k.
<blorpy> they were all john mccain's homes
%
<fondue> I'm haunted by that weird noise McCain makes on some youtube vid:
"How bout that Sarah Palin? *eeeeeeeeh*?"
<fondue> It's like a pterodactyl climaxing
<randall> fondue: The simile police are here.
<randall> The were going to arrest you, but they've decided to just shoot
you like a dog.
 * SpaceHobo picks up a gun like a dog, and attempts to fire it, but is
unable to reach the trigger while the barrel is gripped in his powerful jaw
 * SpaceHobo decides to bury it instead
%
<SpaceHobo> attention
<SpaceHobo> ATTENTION
<SpaceHobo> I am a father.
<SpaceHobo> man, I still can't get over how kees patched the terminal widget
in gnome to do ACTUAL BOLD instead of overstrike
<SpaceHobo> it's just... so much nicer
<SpaceHobo> anyway, birth announcement in the frotz motd if you care
%
<postmodern> did blob dylan sing protist songs?
<khmer> GET A BRAIN! MONERANS
%
<postmodern> there's no baching out of a pipe organ fight
%
<Randall> The Sarah Connor Chronicles continues not to be a fabulously-written
show
<Randall> however, my crush on Summer Glaubot continues unabated.
<cow> Yeah, thats the issue i've been having with it.
<cow> On the one hand, Summer Glau in HD
<cow> on the other hand
<cow> ... my wang
%
<Octal> This health benefits packet just gave me a papercut
<Screwtape> that's part of your free trial.
%
<Octal> one wife does not provide adequate failover.
<deejoe> load balancing and high availability is what one is after here, then?
<Octal> Of course
%
<cow> then, how many libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
<Belial> One. And if you ask for help, you're stupid and lazy and deserve
to die.
<Belial> In the dark.
%
<khmer> hi, work? this is khmer. i'm calling in confused this morning
<khmer> excuse me?
<khmer> yeah, i'm totally disoriented, i'm calling in confused?
<khmer> what?
<khmer> buhhhhhhhhhhhh!
<khmer> *click*
%
<squinky> it's used more for flooring than walls if I understand correctly
<squinky> anyway whatever
<squinky> I say this:
<squinky> ok so hi
<squinky> wait
<squinky> no that wasn't it
%
<cow> Poedipus invented the time machine, and had sex with his mother when
she was ten!
%
<MauvePornoRod> I just realized the fundamental principle of Internet fraud:
<MauvePornoRod> If you have a million monkeys with a million typewriters,
a lot of them are going to be writing personal checks
%
<khmer> you know, when you think about it, obama only needed to give 3/5 of
the oath
%
<jercos> official prank of 2009: get a package into a debian repo with a
dependency on ubuntu-desktop
%
<sneakums> In a universe close to ours, even closer than you got to Stacy
Krantz at the junior prom slow dance, some really stupid shit actually
worked out.
%
<Screwtape> Today, $CUSTOMER's accounts-payable department denied they've
been using our services, and also their technical department complained
our service wasn't working.
%
<Randall> I just ate two quesadillas.
<mewyn> :o
<Randall> /nick to something longer and let's have that exchange again
-!- mewyn is now known as mewyn_
<Randall> I just ate two quesadillas.
<mewyn_> :o
<Randall> ^-- insert quesadilla here
%
<cow> I have to believe in a God, because that's the only way I'll make it
through this shit job.
<cow> Pascal's Minimum Wager
%
<fo0bar> I love scott adams.  he is the ultimate troll.  you know you've
hit gold when emad dislikes you for your views
<Randall> fo0bar: but the same can be said of ESR
<fo0bar> yes, but scott adams presumably bathes
%
<khmer> tits or
<SpaceHobo> cut bait
%
<khmer> what if a unicorn took a maiden's virginity
%
<SpaceHobo> In the land of the blind, cars swerve around like crazy!
%
<Glench> it would be cool if football games were actually just elaborate
postal systems
<Glench> and the point was to deliver the mail the fastest
<Glench> the fastest method would of course be the mail mary
%
<polemon> I'm on the internet since around 1995 or so, I've seen it evolve,
i've seen the DotCom Bubble burst, I've been on IRC since 1995, I experienced
imageboards
<polemon> te reason why internet became what it is, is because it wasn
regulated by government
<polemon> now, since it becomes regulatet, they're installing cencorship
tools evrywhere
<khmer> for fuck's sake the internet was designed and built by the government
<khmer> i swear, motherfucking internet libertarians
<khmer> you're like bart simpson in your treehouse
<khmer> in your treehouse you get to do whatever you want!!!
<khmer> you can puke on the curtains or pour sugar on your cereal
<khmer> because you know your mom will always clean the curtains and you'll
always have more cereal
<khmer> because your treehouse is in your backyard with your fence and your
dad's job and big grownups do all the boring stuff that isn't liberated
%
<khmer> the staten island yankees affiliate has an extreme oddity, the only
professional "switch-pitcher" who can throw as a left-hander or a right-hander
<khmer> there are no rules about this since it's never been done, so he has
a custom ambidextrous glove and he'll switch hands during the game or an
at-bat, to gain opposite-hand advantage on batters
<khmer> apparently a few weeks ago there was a minor league baseball game
where he faced a switch-hitter
<khmer> game was delayed 15 minutes
%
<shoofle> I would like to get married to patrick stewart
<shoofle> but he would have to propose
<Randall> How would it go?
<shoofle> "Engage."
%
<Randall> I just remember spending hours and hours on the CSS trying to get
it to do simple things
<baconaut> Maybe you should stop trying to do simple things and focus on
hard ones which, while not easier, are at least understandably bad
%
<shoofle> note to self: feed cats magnets, then put electromagnets under floor
<shoofle> "hey! cat! stay! stay there! stop moving!"
<shoofle> *beep*
<shoofle> *shlump*
%
<shoofle> my stance on abortion is the Dancing Tiger.
%
[@acreature] The thing about experimental jazz is that they never have a
control group.
%
<shoofle> you know what I'm really tired of? really, really tired of? people
complaining about stuff which has already been complained about to death
<blorpy> ^-- case in point
%
<shoofle> I want a guitar that I can string with extension cords and laptop
chargers
<shoofle> so that I can play power chords on my power cords
%
<SpaceHobo> baconaut: are you seriously complaining about lack of flying
cars ON THE GLOBAL WORLD-WIDE INTERNET?
<SpaceHobo> no points for moaning about jetpacks on the technological marvel
of our age.
%
Rosemary: I'm going to make a song about you!
Rosemary: [singing] Raaaan-daaaall, he's got four ...
[pause]
Rosemary: ... what do you have four of?
%
<Eule> I know the deadline has gone, but I wonder how carefully they wrote
the cash-for-clunkers legislation
<Eule> Vehicle: 1977 Orbiter  Rated mpg: 0.0001  Owner: NASA  Have you owned
this vehicle for at least 1 year? Y  Current registration and insurance? Y
%
<Xavier> i really wish pebkac had a bug tracker
%
<Glench> the majority of my orifices are open in surprise
%
<Glench> khmer: go nuts
<khmer> i wrote a song called "kiss me after you poop (but before you wipe)"
<Glench> khmer: nevermind
%
<Glench> my tongue is so far in my cheek that squirrels be hatin'
%
<sneakums> their milkshake claims sure fell apart fast once some independent
observers were finally admitted to the yard.
%
<ckape> I don't know why everyone is giving Sarah Palin such crap over
her tattoo
%
<Screwtape> I guess "i686-linux-ngircd" is a pretty reasonable thing to call
a cross-compiled binary.
<neale> yeah except for the fact that I'm not setting up a cross-compile
environment, this is supposed to go on the target.
<Screwtape> One of those annoying setups that's unusual enough to not be the
default, but sufficiently common that surely there's some button or switch
to make it do what you wanted, if only you could find it.
<teferi> Those words are writ around the mouth of the rabbit hole, sir.
%
 * Octal makes graphs of his facebook contacts, for no good reason.
<Screwtape> You need more than one node to have a graph.
%
     I do not compromise with bullies and I would rather spend fifty thousand
dollars on defense than give you a dollar of unmerited settlement funds.
As for signing a licensing agreement for intellectual property which I have
not infringed: that will not happen, under any circumstances, whether it makes
economic sense or not. [...] It may be that my inability to see the pragmatic
value of settling frivolous claims is a deep character flaw, and I am sure a
few of the insurance carriers for whom I have done work have seen it that way;
but it is how I have done business for the last quarter-century and you are
not going to change my mind.  If you sue me, the case will go to judgment,
and I will hold the court's attention upon the merits of your claims--or,
to speak more precisely, the absence of merit from your claims--from start to
finish.  Not only am I unintimidated by litigation; I sometimes rather miss it.
	 -- Kurt Denke
%