[CrackMonkey] FW: dinner tonight (fwd)

[Mike Goldman]

The full story, as I received it:

> MELBOURNE, Australia -- Gun-toting granny Ava
> Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped
> her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the
> unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot their
> testicles off!
>
> "The old lady spent a week hunting those bums down
> -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them
> in her own special way," said admiring Melbourne
> police investigator Evan Delp.
>
> "Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station,
> laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as
> calm as could be: 'Those bastards will never rape
> anybody again, by God.'
>
> Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth,
> 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when
> outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the
> seedy hotel room where he and former prison cellmate
> Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.
>
> The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to
> kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his
> mangled penis, policy said.
>
> "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but
> the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the
> way he used to," Detective Delp told reporters.
> "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think
> they're just happy to be alive after what they've
> been through."
>
> The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after
> her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped by
> two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town
> bordering on skid row.
>
> "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night
> in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and
> get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the
> police would go easy on them," recalled the retired
> library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either
> -- because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin'
> it all my life."
>
> So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects
> and Debbie's description of the sickos' car,
> tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the
> wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took
> place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists
> entering their flophouse hotel.
>
> "I know it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot
> a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie
> and she said sure as hell, it was them," the ornery
> oldster recalled.
>
> "So I went back to that hotel and found their room
> and knocked on the door -- and the minute the big
> one, Furth, opened the door, I shot 'em got right
> square between the legs, right where it would really
> hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went down to the
> police station and turned myself in."
>
> Now, baffled lawmen are tying to figure out how to
> deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was
> wrong, but you can't really throw an 81-year-old
> woman in prison." Det. Delp said, "especially when
> all 3 million people in the city want to nominate
> her for sainthood."

Note: I did not forward this story to your Dad and "Bawk-Bawk".