[CrackMonkey] [gkm@petting-zoo.net: Excerpted: 01/04/01 -- ShopTalk]

[Nick Moffitt]

	See, now THESE are the NEW JOKES that I was talking about.  It
just takes a couple days to reach Californier.

----- Forwarded message from glen mccready <gkm at petting-zoo.net> -----
Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev at sleepycat.com>
Forwarded-by: Don Fitzpatrick <shoptalk at TVSPY.COM>

In Bureaucracy Birthday News:  The U.S. Weather service is 130 years
old today.  Weather Service officials celebrated the occasion the same
way they do every year:  With a picnic followed by moving everything
indoors.  (Steve Voldseth)

Only in L.A.:  Going home from work last night, I'm driving down
Hollywood Boulevard, I see a movie theater marquis, "What Women Want,"
nine dollars.  Right below it I see a hooker with a sign, "What Men
Want," fifty bucks.  (Voldseth)

Eye Spy: The Senate has the job of confirming George W.  Bush's cabinet.
He filled his nomination list Tuesday with a Japanese-American, a
Lebanese-American and a Hispanic woman.  If your ethnic community has
been left out, apply for CIA Director as soon as you can. (Burkard)

Action!!!: Madonna will star in a movie directed by her new husband,
Guy Richie. The film will have a nude scene, because he doesn't want to
be the only guy in the world without nude pictures of his wife. (Bill
Williams/ acmehumor at aol.com)

Clean Living: A man in India claims he hasn't eaten any food for more
than a year, he survives on air. 64-year old Hira Manek drinks a cup of
water each day, he says sunlight and air are all he needs to stay alive.
His doctor recently suggested he needs more fiber in his air -- so he's
moving to New Jersey. (Toms Lake Humor Company - http://www.tomslake.com)

In a New Years poll: President Clinton and Pope John Paul the Second
topped the list of men most admired by Americans. (TRUE) Three
similarities between Bill Clinton and His Holiness the Pope:
One:	They both inspire millions of followers.
Two:	They both travel the world to spread their message.
Three:	They both have an equal chance of sleeping with
	Hillary Clinton. (Toms Lake)

Sir Stevie: Filmmaker Steven Spielberg will be knighted on behalf of
Britain's Queen Elizabeth II in recognition of his contributions to that
country's film industry. He will be known as "Sir Earnalot." (Rosenberg)

Congress Sworn: The 107th Congress has begun. It should be an
interesting year. To symbolize the bipartisan spirit on Capitol Hill,
yesterday's session was opened by the Tooth Fairy. (Alan Ray)

Texas Convicts: Several escaped convicts are still on the loose in
Texas. They are armed. Prison officials say they're trying to blend in
with the general population.  (Ray)


----- End forwarded message -----

-- 
You are not entitled to your opinions.
 
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