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Professor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door: "Professor Laurie
will not meet his classes today."A student, after reading the notice, rubbed
out the "c". Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit
of the joke, rubbed out the "l". 
On Thursday, the Dow and S&P 500 declined and the Nasdaq composite closed
flat at the end of a lethargic session. A weak earnings report and forecast
from Nokia and some mixed economic news weighed on investors. 
A young executive was leaving the office of a major corporation late one
evening when he found the CEO himself standing in front of a shredder with a
piece of paper in his hand. Eager to make a good impression, the young exec
introduced himself and asked if he could be of any help. "Why yes," said the
CEO, holding up the piece of paper. "This is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing
work?" "Certainly," said the young executive, happy for a chance to help the
boss. The young man turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed
the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I'll need two copies."