YOUR Republican Journey!

Making a Difference! Your job as Republican Precinct Committee Officer is an extremely important one. In many respects, YOU are the Republican Party in your neighborhood. YOU represent Republican voters in your precinct.... By becoming a Precinct Committee Officer, you have made a commitment to making a difference. You will share the ups and downs, the joy of victory and the agony of defeat -- from the King County Republican Party's Precinct Committee Officer handout.

I've been having a lot of fun since I joined the Republican Party. Really. I've been to caucuses; made some new friends; got the 43rd District Republicans to pass a pro-gay-rights statement; and shook Ellen Craswell's liver-spotted hand. And with the help of a couple of kindred spirits, I managed to grind the King County Republican Convention to a halt, a memory I will cherish for the rest of my days.

In fact, I've been having so grand a time in the Grand Old Party that I'm beginning to feel a little bit, well, guilty. Is it fair that I should be having all the fun? What about my friends, my co-workers, and my readers? Maybe some of you would enjoy messing around at Republican conventions, hobnobbing with right-wing Christian looney-toon goobernatorial hopefuls, and making life just a little more difficult for the people voting for the people who make your life a little more difficult.

How would you like to be a Republican? Or, even better, how would you like to be an elected Republican Party official? An automatic delegate to the 1998 King County Republican Party Convention? A shoo-in as a delegate to the 1998 Washington State Republican Convention? Sound like fun? Well then, run for Precinct Committee Officer?

There are 49 legislative districts in Washington state, 6 of them in Seattle. Every district is divided into precincts. The 43rd district, encompassing most of Capitol Hill, Madrona, parts of the U District, and Fremont, has 216 precincts. Precincts are tiny little buggers, some only two or three blocks square. And every precinct has, or is supposed to have, two Precinct Committee Officers, or PCOs--one Democrat, one Republican.

PCOs can be appointed by their parties or people can walk into the King County building and register to run for PCO in the general elections. Go to the Elections Office, Room 553 in the King County Administration Building at Fifth and James in downtown Seattle, between July 22 and August 9. If you don't know your precinct number, or you're not registered to vote (shame on you), the nice ladies who work in 553 will sign you up, find your precinct for you, and help you fill out the forms. It's that simple! The whole process costs you one dollar, and takes less than five minutes! (If you have questions, or would like more information, feel free to give the King County Elections Office a ringy-dingy at 296-1565!!)

Then come November, you will appear on the ballot alongside Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, the dopes running for governor, US representative, and state legislator. Won't your mom be proud!

You will have to declare yourself a Republican to register and run for Republican PCO, but don't let that scare you off: just because you call yourself Republican doesn't mean you have to vote Republican.

Now, your odds of actually getting elected once you're on the ballot are pretty good: PCO slots in most precincts go unfilled year after year, and those who do run for PCO often run unopposed. In most precincts, getting your name on the ballot is all you need to win.

So what are your responsibilities once elected? Not much: PCOs are supposed to do some basic grassroots stuff: doorbelling, get-out-the-vote efforts on election day, and some ill-defined "representing the party to your neighbors" stuff. But you don't have to do anything: PCOs cannot be recalled, impeached, sacked, fired or got rid of for any reason. Once elected, the party is stuck with you.

If you are interested in attending Republican Party conventions, though, there is one thing you'll need to do: "Precinct Committee Officers hold a precinct caucus every two years." says Reed Davis, Chairman of the King County Republican Party. "If you fail to hold a caucus, you are not automatically entitled to go on to county or state conventions. But other than that, a PCO can never be removed."

Now don't let Mr. Davis scare you off with the specter of having to "hold" a precinct caucus. You won't have to invite Republicans into your home, or anything like that. All "holding a precinct caucus" entails is showing up at a party-arranged caucus site and filling out a form, and you only need to do that if you're interested in going to the conventions. As for the rest of it--representing the Republican Party in your district, canvassing, doorbelling, etc.--you can blow it off!

If you don't want to go to the conventions, run for PCO just for the hell of it! There's no limit to the number of people who can run for one PCO slot, so why not get all your roommates to run! If you all register to run as Republicans, you'll all be running against each other! Make it a contest: whoever wins doesn't have to do the dishes for a month! Run against your neighbors! Run because you can. Run just to see your name on the ballot. Run because this is America. Run because you didn't win a single student council race in high school.

Of course, if you're so inclined, actually attending the conventions is a good idea. Republicans vote on their party platforms at their conventions, platforms that include a lot of gay-bashing, choice-bashing, immigrant-bashing, everybody-bashing bullshit.

Republican Party platforms are unpleasant documents, and I believe that those of us who are targets of Republican unpleasantries should join the party, show up at conventions, and make passing their hateful party platforms as unpleasant as possible. If the King County or Washington State Republicans want to include a lot of, say, anti-gay planks in their platforms, fine; but let's make them have long, drawn-out Robert's Rules of Order conversations about homosexuality, queer rights, adoption, and gay marriage--let's make them earn those anti-gay planks. Same goes for abortion rights. And immigration. And affirmative action. And everything else.

The fightin' 43rd's Republican chairman, Daniel Mead Smith is busily trying to recruit people to run for PCO in his district. His goal is to recruit 60 PCOs, which would leave 166 of his PCO slots unfilled. When I told him that I was running for PCO and that, with my help, he might be able to fill more than 60 PCO slots this fall, he was a little dubious: "If you're going to help fill PCO positions with people who are going to actively support Republican candidates, then I'm happy to have your help," he said. "But I don't think you're going to do that."

Looking on the bright side, Smith added "If, with your help, I fill all my precincts, I do get a hundred dollar bonus."

I don't know if I'll be able to fill all of Smith's precincts, but so far I've manage to sign up the entire Stranger staff. That's right. Come November 5 you'll be able to vote for your favorite editorial, sales, production, and distro staffers, right along with Bill and Bob and Ellen and Norm! As a few Stranger staffers just happen to live in the same precincts, and will therefore be running against each other, that'll mean some cut-throat inter-office mudslinging as election day approaches!

Get in on the fun! Register and run for Republican PCO! King County Administration Building, room 553, July 22 to August 9. $1.