
  Intelligent Squirrel Couriers


   When security is at issue, and the regular postal routes are in
   question, consider sending your message by intelligent squirrel. Our
   rodents are fast, wily, and dependable. And they won't stretch your
   budget! The operation is delightfully simple:

     Enclose your message in the molybdenum-plated iron cannister,
       proven to resist acid rain, intense temperatures, water to depths
       of a hundred feet, and all manner of contaminents.
    
 Strap the cannister to your squirrel's leg.
    
 Feed the squirrel a "destination capsule." With our patented
       bio-map technology, the pill contains RNA-encoded maps and routes
       which find their way to the squirrel's brain and coax it toward
       the destination. The pill can even be tailored to include
       photographs of authorized recipients for the message.
    
 Set the squirrel loose! At this point you have absolutely nothing
       to worry about. Our tiny courier will immediately set out on its
       path. These animals are trained in the arts of self-defense,
       stealth, and survival in any climate. In the even that the rodent
       is caught, it will open the capsule and consume the contents,
       preserving your privacy.

        It's that easy.

   The Pentagon uses squirrels to deliver precious defense documents. The
   CIA sends squirrels to bring instructions to undercover agents. Even
   the president entrusts his memoranda to squirrels, which scurry about
   the oval office in specially-constructed pvc tubes.

   Don't trust your mail to the error-prone means of human couriers,
   electronic networks, or even fish. They are just not safe enough. Put
   your faith in intelligent squirrels.
The Voice