[CrackMonkey] [craig@laceyonline.com: Re: additions Mark 2]

[Craig McPherson]

I found it, Open Source Man.  Hooray.

----- Forwarded message from Craig McPherson <craig at laceyonline.com> -----

Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 00:48:32 -0600
From: Craig McPherson <craig at laceyonline.com>
To: warren mann <broken at warmann.com>
Cc: craig at laceyonline.com
Subject: Re: additions Mark 2
User-Agent: Mutt/1.0i
In-Reply-To: <38587F66.30362419 at warmann.com>; from broken at warmann.com on Wed, Dec 15, 1999 at 11:57:58PM -0600

NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH

December 16, 1999 (AP) - The mysterious and controversial Mae Ling Mak
Naked and Petrified Corporation (M.L.M.NAPCO), manufacturer of one of
the nation's most popular nude petrified women, released a press release
earlier this morning announcing a new product.  Insiders have been
speculating an anouncement from M.L.M.NAPCO for some time now, but none
anticipated what the company had to say today.

"The 'Open Source' bandwagon is not something we're going to miss out on,"
said M.L.M.NAPCO CEO Jim Midas.  "We want a piece of the pie.  After seeing
the success of the recent Linux IPOs, our accounting division basically told
us, 'We don't know what this Open Source stuff is all about, but I'm sure
there's some way we can make money out of it.'  So that's what we're going
to do..."

Midas goes on to say that the board of directors of M.L.M.NAPCO has
authorized an IPO, to be scheduled early next year.  The business plan
is to associate the company with "Open Source," which we don't know what
is either, but we know it's a great money maker.

And how do they plan on doing this?

Market Research Director Rob Porthos at M.L.M.NAPCO had this to say:
"The public loves Mae Ling Mak Naked and Petrified&copy;.  That's a fact.
We here at the lab all take turns exploring her petrified body in sexual
ways, and squirting our hot love juice on her rocky form.  And what boy
hasn't said 'Mommy, mommy, all I want for Christmas is Mae Ling Mak Naked
and Petified&copy;!'?  Well, maybe a gay boy, or a retarded boys, but those
aren't the boys we're concerned about right now.  What's important is--
or maybe a boy whose parents are in some weird religious cult who
castrated him at a young age because they thought he was the Chosen One
destined to save..." He goes on [eventually -ed] to say "Anyway, those
17 exceptions notwithstanding, EVERYBODY would love to get a piece of
Mae Ling Mak Naked and Petrified&copy;.  As you know, we keep her on
exhibit most of the week, and in just the past 7 months since we used
our patented closed-source process to transform her hot, young, moist
Asian body into cool, smooth, ageless Madagascar marble, she's had over
7 million visitors.  Thanks to the huge admission fees we're able to charge,
having the ONLY petrified Mae Ling Mak in the world, we've made a huge
profit."

"But we want more.  We all know that Open Source = Big Money.  Therefore,
we come to our big announcement:  Naked, Petrified, Open Source, Copyrighted,
Undistributable Mae Ling Mak&copy;.  Our lawyers have succeeded in obtaining
a copyright on Ms. Mak, despite a few troublesome laws that originally
stood in our way.  Now that we hold a copyright on Ms. Mak's person, we
have released her under the terms of the UOSL [Undistributable Open-Source
License -ed], so that the Open Source community can benefit from her firm
bossom and finely-chisled marble pubic hair.  And, though we're not quite
sure how it works, because she's Open Source, I think we're going to make
a LOT of money off this.  Somehow.  We don't know how it's going to work,
but we're SO confident in the benefits of Open Source that we feel we don't
even NEED to understand it in order to make money off of it."

The CEO explains the plan further.  "Mae Ling Mak Naked and Petified&copy;
will be taken in entirely new directions.  Due to popular demand, she will
be available in a miniature version, as well as in gold, silver, bronze,
granite, ice, wood, plastic, rubber, basalt, sandstone [you get the idea
-ed] ... peppermint, and of course, chocolate.  She melts in your 
copyrighted undistributable open-source mouth,
not in your copyrighted undistributable open-source hand!"

Industry analysts said of this move:  "OPEN SOURCE!! OPEN SOURCE!!!
HELL YEAH!!  BUY!  BUY!  BUY!"

A group of protestors formed around M.L.M.NAPCO headquarters shortly after
the announcement.  In fact, they seemed to be composed of two seperate
groups:  one kept shouting about Communism and demanding that our beloved
Ms. Mak be renamed "Copyrighted Undistributable Open Source Mae Ling Mak
Immobilized and Not Fully Clothed&copy;", while the second group argued
that the term "free" should be used instead of "Open Source."  The second
group was clearly deluded, because we all know that Open Source is a great
way of making a lot of money in a short period of time, whereas "free"
means giving stuff away and not making any money at all.

Fortunately for M.L.M.NAPCO, the two groups of protestors soon began
to fight against each other, as downtown turned into a huge street
brawl.  Eventually M.L.M.NAPCO distributed black-and-white 8x10
copyrighted undistributable glossy photographs of Mae Ling Mak's naked
and petrified marble ass to the protestors, and they went home happy.

Stay tuned for more news on the IPO, and for more information on
Copyrighted Undistributable Open Source Naked and Petrified Mae Ling
Mak&copy;.

END

how about that?

-- 
Craig McPherson
craig at laceyonline.com

"Science is a scam; a crutch for weak-minded people."

----- End forwarded message -----

-- 
Craig McPherson
craig at laceyonline.com

"Science is a scam; a crutch for weak-minded people."