[CrackMonkey] Buchannan Challenges Hagelin: We'll Talk, Sure; If You Put Your Title Onthe Line (WierdWrestlingWire)

George J.P. Perry geoperry at iww.org
Sun Jul 23 21:00:48 PDT 2000

Exhuding a heady aroma of Big-Time Wrestling, Goldwater-Nixon-Reagan
Republican veteran... recently turned independent... (Go) Pat (Go)
Buchannan -- who wears no gold, but hopes to capture the Reform Belt (and
participation in November's Battle Royal) -- agrees to debate with

... only after attaching an audacious stipulation:  that Hagelin would
promise that he not wrestle against Buchannan (which is to say not appear,
at all, in the Battle Royal).

Hagelin, veteran promoter of the Natural Wrestling Alliance, has qualified
for every state's ballot and has earned entrance into the Battle Royal.  
Buchannan's sole hope for November's card is to pin Hagelin at the Reform
Championship Wrestling convention in August.

"Buchannan's tryin' t'burn th'candle at both ends, an' it's not even his
candle."  - (Mickey "The Mind" St. Angelo, fumbling for an apropriate
metaphore for a Johnny-Come-Lately's talk about party-loyalty and
simultaneous attempts at remaking RCW in his own image)

"Hagelin needs only point to Buchannan's "confidential" list of RCW
electors as consistent with a wrestler reluctant to grapple with public
exposure," Mickey continued thoughtfully.

Reached for rebuttal, Buchannan's wrestling-representative countered:  
"Transcendental Meditation sucks ass, man.  And it's totally bogus.  You
don't win matches by meditating; you win with... ?what, I should tell
you... well, it's a lot of what Pat's got a lot of.  And "Yogic Flying"...
!they just hop around, cross-legged... !on bouncy cushions..." he
continued in an hyperbolic ad-hominem, reminiscent of Spiro Agnew's

- George Perry:  "Juggler Vain's House of Dung", Frisco Liberation Radio

p.s... Mr. Bad, I don't know whether such blatantly biased burlesque were
fit for pd-j, and I'm incompetent to ensconce it into a column "From the
House of Dung" (may be when I return from linux-camp, I'll be able); so I
present it for your consideration

p.p.s... Nick, this was the intended use

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