[CrackMonkey] Gladritek, the magical news elf

Nick Moffitt nick at zork.net
Wed Jul 26 09:17:23 PDT 2000

----- Forwarded message from Scott McNeil -----

Kudos to Ted Ts'o for dredging the awful truth...


Researchers Discover Source of All Tech News

Delhi, India - Researchers at IBM have announced today that they have
found the source of all technology news - Gladritek, the magical news
elf.  This finding completes three years of research and with this
last piece of information the researchers have released a map of the
path news travels before it reaches the public.  A condensed version
of the chart is pictured below.

         |                SOURCE OF TECH NEWS              |
         |                                                 |
         |          Gladritek - the magical news elf       |
         |                      |                          |
         |              Corporate PR Departments           |
         |                      |                          |
         |   ---------------------------------------       |
         |   |                  |                  |       |
         | Cnet                ZDNet             Wired     |
         |   |                  |                  |       |
         |   ---------------------------------------       |
         |         |                       |               |
         |       Slashdot             Ars Technica         |
         |         |                       |               |
         |         -------------------------               |
         |                      |                          |
         |                    Public                       |

Researchers began their study after countless web users complained
about the similarities in all their technology news sources.  First,
the researchers traced the news linking sites, (Ars, Slashdot) which
are the public's primary sources of news, back to the news producing
sites (Cnet, ZDnet).  From there it was a tough jump, but finally the
wall broke down and they linked the news producing sites to the
corporate PR departments (Microsoft, Intel, nVidia).

"It was a very difficult study because of all the cross-linking we
found. Mostly we just ending up going in circles," said IBM researcher
Jennifer Gable, "but when we mapped it out however we saw a pattern
emerging.  We thought the corporate PR departments were the ultimate
source, but one day quite by accident we stumbled upon a link unlike
any other we had found before.  It took us GladriteksNewsSource.com
and it was like finding the rosetta stone."

Gladritek, the magical news elf, has been producing technology news
since the turn of last century from the first automobiles to the first
Pentiums and disseminating this news through corporate PR departments.
"My life became a lot easier with the advent of the web.  All I had to
do was set up a site for the marketing people to gather their press
releases.  It's hard work, but it's rewarding," said Gladritek.

"It's a relief for me," said tech news junkie, Tom Rogers, "I thought
it was a big conspiracy by the giant corporations to control the kind
of information I saw.  I'm glad it's just because a magical news elf
writes all the news."

Gladritek contributed to this story.

----- End forwarded message -----

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