[CrackMonkey] The Gong Show was apparently more interesting than I thought.

[Nick Moffitt]

----- Forwarded message from glen mccready <gkm at blackdown.org> -----
Forwarded-by: Richard Todd <rmtodd>

From: worley at dworley.ne.mediaone.net (Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor)
Subject: The Popsicle Twins
Message-ID: <87wvgi470q.fsf at blob.ariadne.com>
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless

A tasty tidbit from Chuck Barris' bio:

    I ignored what Buddy said.  I did worse than that. I put the Popsicle
    Twins on "The Gong Show."

    The Popsicle Twins weren't really twins.  They were just girl friends.
    One was fifteen years old, the other seventeen.  Both were adorable.
    The fifteen-year-old wore her hair in a ponytail, and had a face full
    of freckles.  The older girl had bangs, dimples, and enormous blue
    eyes.  Both had fresh, full, succulent bodies.  Both had glowing
    peaches-and-cream complexions.  Both wore T-shirts and short shorts.
    Both were a lecherous old man's delight; post-pubescent Lolitas who
    would have more than satisfied all the Humbert Humberts of the world.
    They called themselves the Popsicle Twins because they each held an
    orange Popsicle.

    The girls skipped onto the stage barefoot, sat down on th floor side
    by side, crossed their legs Indian-style, and begin to lick their
    Popsicles.  That's all they did.  They just licked their Popsicles.
    But the *way* they licked their Popsicles was something else.  It was
    extraordinary, is what it was.  The girls tongued the sides of the
    Popsicles, ran their full lips across the Popsicles and around them.
    They slid the Popsicles into their mouths slowly, sensually, in and
    out, in and out, and then ran their lips softly down the shaft of the
    cone-shaped Popsicles to their bases, and then back up again.

    There were obviously giving the Popsicles a blow job.  The two
    teenagers wee teaching the nation the proper way to perform exquisite
    head.  Every eye in that theater was glued to the Popsicles Twins'
    mouths and their Popsicles.  Anyone who couldn't see the girls in
    person watched TV monitors hypnotically.  Every stagehand had a
    hard-on.  The celebrity judges were in a state of acute shock.  Not
    one of them was capable of looking away, let alone leaving their
    seats to gong the act.  "The Gong Show" band gave the Popsicle Twins a
    standing ovation.  Jaye P. Morgan said, "That's the way I started.  I
    give the girls a ten!"

    When the show aired, the telephone switchboard at the National
    Broadcasting Company in New York lit up like a Christmas tree.  The
    East Coast was appalled.  The wife of a United States senator had her
    husband paged on the Senate floor and demanded he make an immediate
    motion to ban "The Gong Show" from television.  Two New York City
    police demolition instructors had to interrupt their lesson on
    defusing explosives because the eyes of the class were glued to the
    silent television set suspended from the ceiling behind them.  At
    first the police demolition instructors were angry.  Then they noticed
    what the other cops were watching, and what the Popsicle Twins were
    doing, and called a five-minute break.

    Executives at NBC snapped into action.  They immediately terminated
    the "Gong Show" feed to the rest of the country.  The Popsicle Twins
    were never seen in the Central or Pacific time zones.  ...

    -- Chuck Barris, "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"


----- End forwarded message -----

-- 
CrackMonkey.Org - Non-sequitur arguments and ad-hominem personal attacks
LinuxCabal.Org  - Co-location facilities and meeting space 
Pigdog.Org      - The Online Handbook for Bad People of the Future
                You are not entitled to your opinions.