[CrackMonkey] Elron, this is Don Notts.

[Nick Moffitt]

http://krev.org/mos/sofp/sci.html

                            Confuse-a-$cientologist
                                       
     ($cientology version)

     We all know that "O$A," the Church of $cientology's secret
     police, monitors the internet (hi Rhea!) but do they also monitor
     and intercept radio transmissions? A recent Clearwater (Florida)
     $cientology Picket seemed to be as good a time as any to find
     out.

     On Saturday 04 December 1999 at approximately 0930 hours, I
     pulled Gregg Haglund aside and asked whether he was interested in
     assisting me in a signals intelligence operation directed against
     O$A. Gregg was the perfect candidate because of his military
     background. He readily agreed.
 
     The plan was a simple one: to use radio transmissions to create a
     phantom army of picketers and see whether $cientology would take
     the bait and react. Armed with a single channel, push-to-talk
     walkie-talkie each, we headed off our separate ways, agreeing to
     be in radio contact from 1130 hours onward.
     _________________________________________________________________
   
   Our radio chat went along the following lines:

+Don NOTs this is ElRon: Come in please, over.
-ElRon this is Don NOTs: I read you with Five, over.
+Don NOTs this is ElRon: What's the status of the mission, over.
-ElRon this is Don NOTs: Execute Plan Alpha Romeo Delta Bravo, over.
+Don NOTs this is ElRon: Plan Alpha Romeo Delta Bravo acknowledged.
                         How many picketers? Over.
-ElRon this is Don NOTs: Count on two blue busses with Eight-Zero pax,
                         over.
+Don NOTs this is ElRon: Roger. I'll get money from Minton to feed
                         them, over.
-ElRon this is Don NOTs: Excellent. They will arrive at 1430 hours and
			 are to be deployed at the back of the Fort
			 Harrison.
+Don NOTs this is ElRon: The clams will never know what hit them, over.
-ElRon this is Don NOTs: Roger that, stand-by for further instructions.
                         Timecheck?
+Don NOTs this is ElRon: Timecheck 1155.
-ElRon this is Don NOTs: 1155 acknowledged. Out.

   For the next couple of hours, Gregg and I would chat every 20
   minutes or so. I'd give him updates on the status of the busses and
   we'd pass 'codewords' back and forth. All discussions between the
   'blue busses' and myself was done using 'the secure line'. At two
   forty-five, I got my final message from Gregg about the busses
   having arrived.

   When I arrived back at the hotel in the evening, I strolled into
   the bar for a post-picket beer. Gregg and several other SPs
   immediately dropped to their knees and bowed before me. Gregg,
   laughing hysterically, filled me in as to what happened with the
   'Blue Packages'.

   At 0230, he went to the back of the Fort Harrison to see if O$A
   reacted to our bogus radio transmissions. What he saw back there
   was better than our wildest dreams: at least ten O$A and Co$
   security guards were at the back of the hotel listening intently to
   their radios as well as their scanners. When they saw Gregg, they
   freaked, each of them talking feverishly into their walkie-talkies
   at the same time.

   Then it got wierder.

   For some inexplicable reason, two big blue tour busses decided to
   drive down toward the back of the Fort Harrison at that very
   moment.  It was at this time that Gregg sent his final message to
   me:

+Don NOTs this is ElRon: The Blue Packages have arrived.

   The O$A guys soiled their collective underwear and called in to the
   Clearwater Police. The police came charging to the back of the
   hotel and wondered what the emergency was all about. The O$A guys
   pointed to the two blue busses heading toward them.

   As they looked on in anticipation, the busses, filled with pre-teen
   Baptist children on their way back from a picnic, slowly cruised by
   the smirking cops and angry O$A guys. Finally, the $cienos knew
   they had been had.

   To Review:
Cost of Operation:              $0.00
Annoyance Factor:               High
Amusement Value:                High

   That is all.     --John Doe, II

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