[CrackMonkey] Anti-perspirant demon

[Paul Duncan]

* Nick Moffitt (nick at zork.net) wrote:
> http://www.demonbuster.com/fatdemon.html
> 
> ANTI-PERSPIRANT DEMON 
> 
> A lady had been using an underarm anti-perspirant and deodorant
> scented spray for about two weeks. A painful rash developed in her
> armpits. We cast out a spirit of anti-perspirant, pain, and probed for
> others without success. We spoke healing and within two days the
> problem had disappeared. 
> 
> One may ask the question, "what gives the demons legal grounds to
> enter a person who uses an anti-perspirant?" (And by the way, not all

I wasn't aware that hell-spawned demons were subject to legal
prosecution.  Do they need warrants or court orders or something to
possess people?

> people would be sensitive enough to receive anti-perspirant demons).
> The answer to the question is in the biology of the body and the
> interference with its proper functioning. Generally speaking, anything
> that adversely affects the Godly operation of any body part provides
> the necessary grounds for spirits to take up occupancy inside the
> individual or oppress from the outside. 

Um, both crack rock and cheap burritos will adversely affect bodily
functions, but I wouldn't attribute the ill effects of either to
immortal beings.

> Chemicals that inhibit or prevent the proper release of sweat through
> the sweat pores are harmful to the body.  Anti-perspirants are
> included in this category of duct obstruction.  Sweat glands

So is the wool over this person's eyes.

> associated with the coarse hair of the armpits (and pubic region) are
> larger and secrete fluid which is much thicker than that secreted by
> glands in other places of the body. Sweat contains many waste products
> that are eliminated from the body through perspiration, consequently
> SWEATING IS A NECESSARY BODILY FUNCTION FOR GOOD HEALTH.  Blocking of

So is farting -- the stick in your ass is probably going to cause
long-term problems.

> the ducts causes the sweat and waste products to become trapped in the
> epidermis or dermis producing irritation, prickly heat, itching,
> severe itching, inflammation and other possible problems.
> Additionally, perspiring has a cooling effect upon the body. Sweat
> also acts as a lubricant. 

This is contradictory: it'd be easier for those foul beats of the
underworld to just slide right into a well-lubricated body.

> Spirits that could easily be present under these circumstances are:
> anti-perspirant, pain, itching, severe itching, prickly heat, rash,
> irritated skin, inflamed skin, inflammation, blocked sweat pores,
> blocked release of sweat, spirits by the commercial brand of the
> anti-perspirant, and names of harmful chemicals in the

Personally, I'm more concerned about the vile demons that are
responsible for cash shortages and country music than I am about any
of the listed spirits.

> anti-perspirant, and other demons. (Note - I was standing in line in a
> convenience store one day. There were two doctors in front of me
> talking about anti-perspirant, and how bad it was for you because of
> the mercury in the product that blocks the sweat, but also enters your
> body. If you have not tried using apple cider under your arms, you are
> missing a really cheap but effective deodorant ETDC)

There's some people I'd like to week out in this city.  I think I'm
going to put on a white lab coat, visit all the local convenience
stores, and make small talk about how rubbing liquid plumber on my
genitals is an effective aphrodisiac.  The question is, am I still
liable if the people around you are gullible and stupid?

-- 
Paul Duncan <duncanpa at engr.orst.edu>    Network Support
http://www.pablotron.org                Botany and Plant Pathology
pabs on #e (EFNet IRC)                  Oregon State University