[CrackMonkey] I hate it here

[Nick Moffitt]

http://personal.cobaltgroup.com/~kcrowder/macabre/article-arrested.htm

   I HATE IT HERE: Spider Jerusalem

   This City never fails to amaze me. Here we are in a place with no
   borders anyone can find, full of people who don't know what year it
   is, walking down streets being ripped up by Media Scum so that they
   can embed TV screens in the sidewalks, walled in by billboards that
   either try to sell us stuff we don't need and never even heard of
   yesterday, or that have been attacked by ad terrorists so that they
   now project radio signals that cut little patterns on the surfaces of
   our brains...

   ...and yet it's me who gets arrested on a Temporarily Violently Insane
   charge.

   It was like this. I keep getting beggars coming to my door. Small
   children with Boy Scout barcode stamps on their white little butts try
   to sell me poisoned cookies. Grinning dungheads from The Party In
   Government plead for me to give up some of my dollars for the
   Re-Election Fund. Wet-eyed professional compassion-mongers attempt to
   twist cash out of me for Help The Cryogenic Revivals. And, just today,
   I get this pale little zealot from Crusade Aid at the door, asking for
   a donation towards the provision of religious shock-troops to continue
   the massacre in pagan England. What can I say? It was one beggar too
   many.

   They found me in the kitchen with the zealot I'd strung him up by his
   navel from the ceiling light and had beat him with wooden spoons until
   his nipples bled. His screams had woken up my landlord -- which was a
   trick in itself, since his doctor had prescribed him a course of sloth
   genes to control his hypertension, and he hadnt moved from his branch
   since -- who had called the police.

   So now I'm under five days house arrest, with seven fat ampoules of
   No-Chance stuck into my belly. If I step outside the front door, the
   ampoule's little brains notice and pump me full of some nasty police
   drug that makes me think I'm in a brig inside a Martian colony pylon
   with a heavily greased slave worker called Pththth who believes me to
   be his pet rabbit. An interesting one-time experience for any
   healthily curious journalist, but nothing you'd ever want to repeat.

   I hate it here.
     _________________________________________________________________
                                      
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                    The multiple award-winning sf series
                    by Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson
                   published monthly by DC Comics/Vertigo


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