[crackmonkey] A Mae Ling Story

[Nick Moffitt]

	This bounced as a result of Mae's decision to put about 500
email addresses in the To: and Cc: fields.  I've cleaned it up a bit
and forwarded it back to the list.  

----- Forwarded message from Mae Ling Mak <spinster at zork.net> -----

Anyway, there I was, shivering with antici.....pation on the arrival of
one Richard M. Stallman. I don't even know what I was imagining the man
would be like- how do you predict the behavior of a genius?

So, he had garlic potato soup and a hot chocolate. This makes him a
really hungry man, since the stuff turns my stomach (then again, alot of
stuff does...). "So, I brought some records if you guys would like to
take a listen." Oh, hey, I'm sorry, but those are compact discs. Records
are made of vinyl.

So far, he's boring me, but I was still somewhat in awe. Anyway, if he
wasn't boring me, the coffeenet definately was, so I went to have a
cigarette. Then comes "the line", the line that my so-called freaking
friends won't let me forget: "You're too beautiful to kill yourself like
that." I thought nothing of it until I heard it repeated e^x times... 

I went to shake his hand, being that he's done alot for this community
of ours. Ugh, and this gets gross, he kisses my hand instead of shaking
it. Not only that, but he slobbers on it. That called for a bit of
bleach.

Okay, so the man isn't just a programmer, he's a sexist. I can handle
that. What I can't handle is his constant hitting on me. "Are you going
with Rick tomorrow?" "Well, I'm not 'going with' Rick, but i am riding
to the SVLUG with him" <grin><shrug>. 

"Richard, what are you doing? Do you have to go to the bathroom?" "No,
this is called folk dancing." "Okay, how's that music in your head
going?" "Oh, there is no music, I'm just dancing." Seth asked him how he
got his rhythmn if there were no music. Let me tell you, kids, there WAS
no rhythmn. 

Since he had wanted to play with the parrot, we were late to the
meeting. As soon as we walked in, there was applause. He takes his shoes
off and is constantly scratching at his crotch. This only adds to the
nausea that was lingering from earlier.

Before Chico, the parrot came over, I was sitting on the floor in Don's
office. Stallman takes off his socks and starts rubbing some type of
anti-bacterial lotion on his black and wort covered feet. Was he doing
this for shock value, or was he really that gross? Could this man really
be that tactless? I was about to find out...

Jesse, the most adorable munchkin on the planet, walks in and introduces
himself. "Hi, I'm Jesse." "Ugh, I hate your shirt." "What don't you
like: Al Pachino or the gun?" "The Gun" Okay, this makes him a more
noble man, right. He wants to fight like a man. Nah, I think this makes
him a rude tree hugging hippie. 

I went to Vegas to visit my daddy, and I expected this little troll to
be gone when I got back, but nooooo. Pigdog night came around, and I was
to take him there (being that no one else would, and I was tired of
looking at him). He was leaving for Japan the next day, and I was all
out of business cards (I had given them all to a bunch of Ferengi in
Vegas). "It's too bad I'm out of cards. (Yes, Mike at redhat, I was playing
UNO again...) You could write to me sometime (Uh, from far, FAR
away...)- they say something about Linux and not GNU/Linux, though."
Okay, kids, hold onto your monitors because you aren't going to believe
this one- "It's okay if you say Linux as long as you know where it came
from, and that Linus didn't start it." "Yes, I know, but it's not just
GNU/Linux, either- thousands of people are responsible." "Well, okay, as
long as you know that it's fine for you to say just 'Linux'"

Yes, audience, I, Mae Ling Mak, am allowed to say LINUX without getting
a lecture. I get ass kicking bad ass points for this, damnit. That, and
I told him he was being a big baby when he screamed because I threw a
Tribble at him. "Things flying at me scare me." "Oh, shut-up, you big
baby, it's just a big ball of fuzz."

So, I am proud of myself because he won't talk back to me, and I can say
Linux all the hell I want to say it without RMS being bitchy. This is
unlike somebody who wrote "GNU" on their redhat sign, and all of the
guys who let him procrastinate while they were starving.

I tell him his cheezy jokes are cheezy.

I'm the bitch, and I kick ass!

hehehehehehehe

(Nick, now is the time to tell the story of the SUSE shirts...)


-- 
You've left me with nothing,
But I've worked with less...
			-Ani DiFranco

----- End forwarded message -----

-- 
 * Progress (n.): The process through which Usenet has evolved from
   smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of
   smart terminals.  -- obs at burnout.demon.co.uk (obscurity)
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