[CrackMonkey] "it takes one hand to hold the remote control and the other to hold the TV Guide"

[Nick Moffitt]

	Yes!  Flaming WebTV users with STYLE.

From: kibo at world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Re: MY WATCH
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2001 07:03:30 GMT
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"The Effulgent And Torsional Mr. Hole" (holefamily1 at webtv.net) wrote:
> I took it off my wrist last night for the first time in almost 2
> years!!! It's band - which is made completely from leather - REALLY
> SMELLS STINKY now, and its starting to crumble away!!! 
> 
> What should I name the tan-line where my watch used to be? 

I don't know, but at least you can start bathing now that you took
off your watch.  I mean, I knew from a previous article that WebTV
owners don't keep their fingernails clean, but I had no idea they
didn't bathe.

I know that you couldn't have ever bathed or washed your hands while
wearing the watch because you said the band was "made completely from
leather", and if you had ever gotten it wet it would have shrunk down
to the size of one of those rubber bands that goes on braces for
kids with dangerous overbites, and your hand would have turned black
and fallen off after less than two years.  And I know you have two
hands because nobody can use a WebTV one-handed -- it takes one hand
to hold the remote control and another hand to hold the TV Guide.

Have you considered a Spiedel Twist-o-Flex?  They go on easy, they
come off easy...  unless, of course, you have lots of hair on your
arms.  In which case, removing your watch is like ripping a metal
Band-Aid off your tender skin.

                                    -- K.

                                       At least you're not one of those
                                       bozos who asks other people what
                                       time it is all day because they're
                                       obsessed with knowing what time
                                       it is but they're too dumb to figure
                                       out how to operate a watch of their
                                       own.  When I'm feeling gumpy and
                                       someone asks, "Do you know what
                                       time it is?" I say, "YES!!!" and
                                       walk away.